His Mind

It has always been a challenge (not a struggle) to raise a child with Asperger’s. They see a world so much different from ours, understand differently from what we can normally comprehend, grasp unrealistic ideas and view it as normal. They see color in black and whites and grays in color. They give a solid meaning to the word unique. So somewhere in between, you know you’d both clash and disagree.

But also in between you learn about patience (lots and lots and lots of patience), about perseverance, about compromise, about appreciation and amazement and unconditional love.

This kid, when he was younger, he could name all the flags of the world. When he got older, he could name all the car brands and their model types. Recently he’s into constellations and he’s been telling me about what he sees when he looks up the sky at night. It’s amazing how they could pour all concentration and focus and passion into that one thing that interests them and be scattered with all the rest.

There are days that I feel exhausted and helpless especially during the times when he is being unreasonable and throws a tantrum and no matter what I do he just completely shuts down and I can’t get through. There are days that I panic and overthink things, like how will he be able to live normally when I’ve gone. There are days when I feel like a failure and think that I am not doing enough despite all the medication and doctors and therapy.

Then there are days when he is overly sweet, does his chores, surprises me with I love you balloons and letters, talks to me about his day like what he did with his friends at school, jokes about random things, looks after his youngest brother and somehow, it assures me that somewhere, I am doing things right.

This kid, he’s taught me a lot about living. How to appreciate the little things, how to pay attention to detail, how to strive harder and never give up, how to dream. When he is shattered, I need to focus. When he is unnerved, I need to encourage. When he is irrational, I have to be patient. When he is being stubborn, I have to pour more love.

And yes he is extraordinary and atypical and awesome and I’m very very grateful.


xx

DMV

Of talking to Strangers

You listened.

I never intended to unload all my drama on you. I didn’t mean to burden you with what’s going on with me. But I did, I still did, because somehow you knew, you could sense that something’s up, something’s wrong, without me having to say anything. And I guess I was comfortable with talking to you, you made me feel snuggly comfortable even if we were countries apart. You’ve heard from me all that was ugly but you made me feel pretty, you made me feel perfect. You gave the soundest lectures. You made sense. You made me laugh by acting all silly during the worst times. You diverted my attention to talks of aliens and outer space which was kinda cool. You showered me with flowers. You made me feel safe and I’m sorry that you’ve to constantly deal with me and the rest of me.

Thank you. Just thank you. It may just be words, sentences, conversations, a chat thread, a voice message, but know that it means a whole lot to me, a whole lot. Thank you, really.

 

Our-Pointless-Conversation-Mean-A-Lot-To-Me

(Photo: Tumblr)

xx

DMV

2015 | Year ender

At the most random moment, you meet someone who totally changes how you look at life. They are flawed, imperfect, atypical and different. Ink sprawls colorful stories on their skin and at some point they bare to you their wounded soul and have you a glimpse at their shattered hearts. They have dealt with pain and heartache like nothing you have ever had to endure yet they still manage to genuinely laugh and be kind. They have scarred beautifully and I am so grateful to have known a person who’s raw and real.

It is awe-inspiring and overwhelming to have seen life through your ambiguous eyes even if it were just a thread of conversations. Thank you for the inspiration. I needed that, I needed you. Thank you.

xx

DMV

Random thoughts on this last Friday of August

Sometimes you just jump, like off a cliff or a really tall building.

Drastically you just do, even if heavy fog blinds you and the only way is down and there is no way of finding out what lies beneath when you hit bottom, be it rocks or stone pavements or grass or sea.

Because for a split, staggering, unnerving moment…you fly.

xx

DMV

Yeah I’m off work in two hours, yay for the long weekend!

Hardened Heart

And just so suddenly
You notice,
The sea of memories you are blinded to,
From the dust of simple things,
That trigger what was so delicately hidden to resurface.

And just so suddenly
A hope starts to flicker,
And fear threatens a war on the flood of emotions starting to burn,
A surge of what ifs play on.

And just so suddenly
You hit reality,
Reminded of the storm of chaos this little hope would eventually bring,
And fear finally wins.

That brief moment of eyes crinkling and lips smiling may not be worth it.

And just so suddenly,
You forget.
You stand.
You walk.

xx

DMV

IMG_3067.JPG (Photo courtesy: Google Images)

Living Life Free of Strife

Sharing Day 165 of the reading plan I am currently on from http://www.joycemeyer.org/ Joyce Meyer: Promises for Your Everyday Life – a Daily Devotional

Living Life Free of Strife

Strife is one of the main weapons the enemy uses against Christians. I believe there are three things that open us up to a spirit of strife.

1. Our lips: Wrong words spoken at the wrong time can certainly start a firestorm. The more wrong words we pour on the fire, the bigger it gets. One way to stop a fire is to remove the fuel.

2. Our pride: Although wrong words may open us up to strife, it is a proud heart that refuses to be quiet in order to have peace. Pride demands that we have the last word, but the Word says it will lead to destruction (see Proverbs 16:18).

3. Our opinions: We can often get into strife by trying to convince others of our own opinions. When we realize we have much to learn and stop passing out our opinions, we will begin to gain the knowledge we need.

These are the three biggest areas that Satan uses to infiltrate our lives with strife. Make a decision to honor God and others by resisting strife and instead pursuing unity and understanding.

Prayer Starter: Holy Spirit, help me to stay on guard against strife. I give You my words and my opinions. I desire to walk strife-free in my relationships with others.

Starting a quarrel is like opening a floodgate, so stop before a dispute breaks out. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭17‬:‭14‬ NLT)

xx

DMV

Give CREDIT where CREDIT is due

I was going through my FB feed when I stumbled on a note posted by a friend entitled Theresa. I don’t know who Theresa is or the story behind why she posted the note but as I read on, the post was somehow familiar. But it seemed like she claimed the write-up as hers so most of the comments were of praises on how well she wrote. So I posted the link of the original post on her comments box. My intention was to inform her that I am aware that her note was a repost and that she should at least give credit to the original writer. Well, she deleted my comment (being the link to the post of the original writer) and unfriended me (lol).

Anyway, I’d like to share the original post of Ella Ceron entitled You Will Fall In Love With A Broken Person and not Theresa.

AUGUST 6, 2014
You Will Fall In Love With A Broken Person
Ella Ceron

Whatever it is, whatever happened to them, whatever they’re going through, whatever haunts them and controls them and leaves them wanting more — it will have nothing and everything to do with you.

Nothing, because it probably happened before you entered their life. It was a breakup, or a trauma, or faith and trust and belief that went south somewhere.

Everything, because you will try to fix them, or help them, or wonder why you are not enough, why you cannot heal their wounds and mend their broken heart and change their mind.

You’re going to swear to yourself that you’ll never fall into this pit, and then you’ll watch as it happens. You’ll kick yourself for doing what you said you’d never do. You’ll ask yourself why you’re bothering. Why you think you’re the exception to the rule. Why you can’t just heed the warning signs.

You know, all along, that this is someone with a heart in shards, a soul in pieces, and little affection and warmth and stability to give you — you won’t blame them for it, they need all the resources they can give themselves — yet you still try.

Love works in funny ways, and we love all the things we never plan on loving. We attach ourselves to the things we think we should not love. Moths have their flames, little kids their wet cement, dogs their puddles.

We have lovers who do not — and cannot — love us back.

But you will love them, no matter how much you try not to. No matter how much you say you don’t. You’ll watch as they pull themselves further down, and sometimes drag you down too. They’re not trying to, but between keeping you at a distance and not knowing how to love you back, even if they want to, there’s a whole host of complications that bubble up when a broken person is loved by someone else.

Eventually, one of two things will happen. They let you in, bit by bit, and you learn slowly how to let them fix themselves; or you lick your wounds and move on. One is not more or less noble than the other. One hurts a little more. One is a little more rare. Both have the potential of breaking you. Both have the potential for you to learn that love is not something you force upon someone and demand they return, but something that you have to offer freely. Something that nobody’s obligated to accept. Whether or not they’re ready to take it. And if they’re not ready, then they’re not ready.

But you will fall in love with a broken person, at least once in your life. It happens to everyone. The odds are stacked against us that somebody or something will have gotten there first and wrenched somebody’s affection apart and left scars in those things we call our hearts. And the broken person you love will be hesitant and skittish and nervous, but that doesn’t mean they deserve any less love just because they’re afraid of being burned again.

All you can do is love them. All you can do is be there for them. And if you’re lucky, they will learn to love you, too.

If you’re not, and if you wind up breaking, too, well, you’re not alone. And if there’s anything love stories teach us, it’s that you can heal. You can grow. You can try again.

Because often, the broken people we find and fall in love with and help heal wind up being ourselves.

You Will Fall In Love With A Broken Person

It’s fine to repost stuff but at least have the decency to admit and inform that what you’ve just posted isn’t yours.

Yes Ms. Ceron, it is very well written.

xx

DMV

GIVE-CREDIT-WHERE-CREDIT-IS-DUE

 (Photo courtesy: Tumblr)

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