Posts Tagged ‘words’

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3am Thoughts

January 10, 2020

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Pain inspires

June 15, 2017

If there is one thing I have learned from the past four years, is that pain inspires me more than anything. I could never really write about love or happiness, I just normally suck at it. But pain–oh pain is the ink that fuels the rambling chaos inside my head which randomly spill onto blank pages and they make such beautiful unconventional art. So to everyone who has caused me pain or shared with me their pain, thank you so much for injecting feelings and emotions to this numb heart.

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That night, she knew she should stop hoping.

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The Rebel

May 17, 2016

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Just some days.

April 3, 2016

Rarely. Just some days. 

  

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His Mind

March 4, 2016

It has always been a challenge (not a struggle) to raise a child with Asperger’s. They see a world so much different from ours, understand differently from what we can normally comprehend, grasp unrealistic ideas and view it as normal. They see color in black and whites and grays in color. They give a solid meaning to the word unique. So somewhere in between, you know you’d both clash and disagree.

But also in between you learn about patience (lots and lots and lots of patience), about perseverance, about compromise, about appreciation and amazement and unconditional love.

This kid, when he was younger, he could name all the flags of the world. When he got older, he could name all the car brands and their model types. Recently he’s into constellations and he’s been telling me about what he sees when he looks up the sky at night. It’s amazing how they could pour all concentration and focus and passion into that one thing that interests them and be scattered with all the rest.

There are days that I feel exhausted and helpless especially during the times when he is being unreasonable and throws a tantrum and no matter what I do he just completely shuts down and I can’t get through. There are days that I panic and overthink things, like how will he be able to live normally when I’ve gone. There are days when I feel like a failure and think that I am not doing enough despite all the medication and doctors and therapy.

Then there are days when he is overly sweet, does his chores, surprises me with I love you balloons and letters, talks to me about his day like what he did with his friends at school, jokes about random things, looks after his youngest brother and somehow, it assures me that somewhere, I am doing things right.

This kid, he’s taught me a lot about living. How to appreciate the little things, how to pay attention to detail, how to strive harder and never give up, how to dream. When he is shattered, I need to focus. When he is unnerved, I need to encourage. When he is irrational, I have to be patient. When he is being stubborn, I have to pour more love.

And yes he is extraordinary and atypical and awesome and I’m very very grateful.


xx

DMV

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What we are made of

March 1, 2016

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Of talking to Strangers

January 7, 2016

You listened.

I never intended to unload all my drama on you. I didn’t mean to burden you with what’s going on with me. But I did, I still did, because somehow you knew, you could sense that something’s up, something’s wrong, without me having to say anything. And I guess I was comfortable with talking to you, you made me feel snuggly comfortable even if we were countries apart. You’ve heard from me all that was ugly but you made me feel pretty, you made me feel perfect. You gave the soundest lectures. You made sense. You made me laugh by acting all silly during the worst times. You diverted my attention to talks of aliens and outer space which was kinda cool. You showered me with flowers. You made me feel safe and I’m sorry that you’ve to constantly deal with me and the rest of me.

Thank you. Just thank you. It may just be words, sentences, conversations, a chat thread, a voice message, but know that it means a whole lot to me, a whole lot. Thank you, really.

 

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(Photo: Tumblr)

xx

DMV

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