Single Mommyship

And all the stereotypes that go along with it.

NO, totally not my fault I’m in this situation. I did not choose to become a single mom, I mean who in their right mind wouldn’t want their kids to grow up with a complete family? But unfortunately, it did not work out like it should for us and life just has to go on. I’d rather be alone than be stuck in a very unhealthy relationship, seriously.

But these stereotypes. Sorry if I am PMSing, but really?

One stereotype that really irks me is that when you date a single mom, she will financially drain you. (WTF?)

C’mon, living in a third world, poverty stricken country doesn’t only limit “single moms” that will feed on your very fat bank account. The impoverished marginalized has long discovered pimping their children (daughters) to Caucasians with the thinking that if he’s white and has dollars, they be rich.

So do not categorize me into some money hungry single mother because honestly I don’t need your money. I work hard to earn a living for me and my kids and we are totally fine. It’s all a matter of time and financial management, a matter of priorities. And with what I do, my kids are able to go to reputable schools; eat 3, 5 times a day; involve in extra curricular activities; I am able to pay bills; my dogs have updated shots; I buy them dog food; I get to buy “want” stuff for my children, “want” stuff for myself and we can afford to go on vacations (even bringing along the nanny).

And yes, I also have a social life. I can afford my Jack Ds, you don’t need to buy me a drink.

I think I know myself really well, I know I am not a bad person and I know I’ve got so much to offer although I also know for a fact I don’t really need a man in my life. So if you come up to me, tell me you like me, ask for my number and then find out that I have kids and just suddenly gives me the silent treatment or go cold turkey on me, please do not assume that I am looking for someone to father my children, I’m not; do not assume that I am looking for someone to provide for me and my kids, I could very well provide for myself and my kids and my dogs; we could always be friends, I don’t intend to marry you (rolls eyes).

I totally get if some people (men) want to steer away from single mothers thinking of the baggage upon baggage upon baggage these moms be carrying but I just hope that you have enough respect and see past through your narrow mindedness and actually see how strong these women are. I understand that a woman with lots of responsibilities (children) is sometimes too much to handle but please know that being a single mother isn’t easy and it wouldn’t hurt for you to be a little kind. We feel like everyone else, bleed like everyone else. We struggle like everyone else because our children solely depends on us. We give and love twice as much to compensate for the father that is not there.

Please stop stereotyping us and possibly treat us like normal people, because we are.

 

xx

DMV

#KiyiyaVuranInsanlik

When I opened my Facebook account today, feeds about a drowned boy kept popping up. I know it’s click bait, but I clicked on the bait.

And I’ve been ugly crying here.

“A 3-year-old boy named Aylan Kurdi and his 5-year-old brother, Galip, were photographed face down in the surf Wednesday morning. They both reportedly died on a boat that capsized while carrying them to the Greek island of Kos. The brothers were attempting to reach Canada, where their aunt lives.” – BuzzFeed

(Also see: http://edition.cnn.com/2015/09/02/europe/migration-crisis-boy-washed-ashore-in-turkey/)

The images are so heartbreaking. I cannot even begin to think about my almost 2 year old boy experiencing the struggle from the violence this little Aylan must have faced in a place he supposedly called home, escaping and fleeing in terror, hopeless and cold in a tiny boat until it tragically capsized and he and his brother washed ashore to a foreign land, lifeless.

3 years old. It’s so unfair.

How privileged are my children for they do not know war or terror or starvation or death and they have the opportunity to laugh and play and learn. How fortunate are they to be sleeping in a warm bed at night and to wake in the morning and embrace another day of their young lives.

This too was little Aylan’s universal right. To wake up in the morning and greet the face of his family. To help himself to a sumptuous meal. To bask in the sun, play and get his hands dirty. To read nursery rhymes and fairytales. To learn how things work, how plants grow. To go to school and have friends. To grow up. To experience love and pain. To live.

All these taken away too soon because of selfish and heartless government and laws. We live in such a cruel world and at the expense of the innocent.

So tonight, after an eventful day at work or from wherever you are coming from, do a little extra. Shower your little one with kisses and hug him a little tighter. Appreciate that you have the TIME to watch their chests rise and fall when they sleep, to read to them, to sing to them. To see them learn to crawl and walk and jump and utter their first words, to call you Mama. To hear them cry and laugh. To look into their eyes, to hold their tiny hands. Express your love and be thankful.

CN9EailU8AAXBuw

How his story should have ended…

Photo source: Steve Dennis

And to the rest of the world, there’s something that needs to be done soon NOW. The urgency is palpable.

We don’t have to live in hate.

xx

DMV