Bewitched by Children’s Laughter

I did not dream of having kids. It was never part of the plan.

I wanted to write and live in different places, experience this diverse, expansive earth everyone keeps talking about.

At some point, I even wanted to go to outer space, discover aliens, leave footprints on the moon, trek Mars, name stars.

But you see, life has a sick sense of humor and who would have imagined I’d end up birthing 3 boys instead.

The irony.

I wasn’t ready.

Stuck in the mundane.

I think I’ll never be ready.

Fine, joke’s on me.

But I kept on, even when my mind was in total chaos. I still keep on.

I had the choice to get away, to run away as I always do, but I stayed.

And trying to be a mother, keeping up a facade of this supposedly strong person and parenting alone while my heart shattered into infinite pieces, was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure.

But oh, the laughter of children, the sweetest songs, such beautiful music to my ears, I could listen to for a lifetime.

The course of our lives sometimes do not play out like how we pictured it in our heads but somehow, we always end up where we should be.

And most times, much happier.

 

xx

DMV

Obsession Election

This 2016 elections is so intense, it has brought more division rather than unity. Everybody is at each other’s throats trying to prove some logical point why their choice of candidate is the rightful choice. Suddenly, everyone has become so concerned about a nation, everyone has become some expert political critic and social media has conveniently become fuel for hate. My feed is amazingly overflowing with negativity. Amidst the social media war, the heated exchange of quips, the cursing and mudslinging, some respond with tact and diplomacy while others, with their overwhelming passion for whatever cause they are fighting for, morph into rabid bullies.

The development of the campaigns has become chaotic, comical and unpredictable, it’s kind of embarrassing and plainly annoying.

But isn’t it, supposedly as one people, our aim is for the progress of our country? That is if we are genuinely concerned with the development of our country and not just riding with the sensationalized bandwagon because it is the social media trend.

Change. Everyone is screaming change. WE WANT CHANGE. The overused “change” has literally been the undying promise of every running or aspiring politician every election season. (And honestly, to be fair to the past and present administrations, there has been change, it’s just that most of us are just too naive to notice. Change is gradual, not drastic. Even Charles Darwin believes so.)

But change happens with us. Discipline starts with us, not with some government official, not with some political aspirant and definitely not only during elections.

We are all so quick to judge, to conclude, to blame and to complain. No government is perfect. It will always have its fair share of unforgivable gaffes but I do hope that as educated citizens, we could give credit where credit is due. It’s just sad, human nature as it is, we are bent to see faults rather than acomplishments.

Let’s try to reevaluate, what have we actually done to contribute to the progress of this country besides clocking in to work and paying taxes. Have we actually immersed ourselves in the community and experienced first hand the hell of a country we live in as what some are relentlessly claiming? Have we gone out of our way to find out facts to alleviate our ignorance and not solely rely on mass and social media? Are we adherent to our nation’s laws as simple as following traffic rules, lining up and waiting for your turn at the grocery counter or disposing your trash in the right receptacle bin? Have we grasped opportunities to involve ourselves in helping the homeless, the neglected and the abused?

If we really want to see real change, we have to be a part of the process.

Five days left of the campaign period, six days left before election day. By now, most of the voting population has already decided whom to vote so let’s show each other respect as what civilized people are supposed to do for it is our right to root for whoever we feel deserving. Regardless of who will win the elections, local and national alike, all of us will have to deal with it.

After May 9, most of us will go about our everyday lives like we normally do. But let’s not be insensitive to the marginalized multitude who’s become victims of abject poverty; let’s not be insensitive to the underprivileged youth, let’s not be insensitive to the abused women and children; let’s not.

All of us yearn for a better government so choose someone with integrity, someone with a clear vision for this country, someone with tact and wit and consistency, someone who is respectful and considerate, someone who values transparency, someone who upholds the rule of law.

Choose someone who complements your principles, values and beliefs.

Enough of being a circus. Stop with the drama. When you exercise your right to suffrage, think. Think of your countrymen, think of the children. Six years is a very long time.

 

xx

DMV

 

His Mind

It has always been a challenge (not a struggle) to raise a child with Asperger’s. They see a world so much different from ours, understand differently from what we can normally comprehend, grasp unrealistic ideas and view it as normal. They see color in black and whites and grays in color. They give a solid meaning to the word unique. So somewhere in between, you know you’d both clash and disagree.

But also in between you learn about patience (lots and lots and lots of patience), about perseverance, about compromise, about appreciation and amazement and unconditional love.

This kid, when he was younger, he could name all the flags of the world. When he got older, he could name all the car brands and their model types. Recently he’s into constellations and he’s been telling me about what he sees when he looks up the sky at night. It’s amazing how they could pour all concentration and focus and passion into that one thing that interests them and be scattered with all the rest.

There are days that I feel exhausted and helpless especially during the times when he is being unreasonable and throws a tantrum and no matter what I do he just completely shuts down and I can’t get through. There are days that I panic and overthink things, like how will he be able to live normally when I’ve gone. There are days when I feel like a failure and think that I am not doing enough despite all the medication and doctors and therapy.

Then there are days when he is overly sweet, does his chores, surprises me with I love you balloons and letters, talks to me about his day like what he did with his friends at school, jokes about random things, looks after his youngest brother and somehow, it assures me that somewhere, I am doing things right.

This kid, he’s taught me a lot about living. How to appreciate the little things, how to pay attention to detail, how to strive harder and never give up, how to dream. When he is shattered, I need to focus. When he is unnerved, I need to encourage. When he is irrational, I have to be patient. When he is being stubborn, I have to pour more love.

And yes he is extraordinary and atypical and awesome and I’m very very grateful.


xx

DMV

Sentiments | #APEC2015

Philippines APEC Protest
Protesters chant near a venue hosting the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) summit in Manila, Philippines, Wednesday, Nov. 18, 2015. Leaders from 21 countries and self-governing territories are gathering in Manila for the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation summit. The meeting’s official agenda is focused on trade, business and economic issues but terrorism, South China Sea disputes and climate change are also set to be in focus.(AP Photo/Aaron Favila)

Read article here.

No, I do not walk eight hours to work since Monday because of road closures. Heavy traffic due to some national event does not happen in the area where I live. Call me insensitive but what is one week of sacrifice (and maybe a little exercise) to a possible breakthrough for our country? I’m not keeping my hopes up but WHAT IF? I don’t know what these rallyists or these anti-APEC activists thrusts are all about. I’m too lazy to even learn or find out. I’m not sure if they are that dense to not know the possible impact this APEC Summit could bring to our country or if they are just simply that naive. I don’t even know what the fuck I’m talking about in here.

Point is, a simple shove on what you are so accustomed of doing (on a daily basis) suddenly becomes a sensationalized national issue. I understand a week might be too long for the hassle of going through all the walking and traffic, etcetera. You might say I don’t reserve the right to comment on these because I do not have the privilege of experiencing it first hand, but so what. All these big shot leaders from around the world came into a forum for a reason. It’s not like they came together to just hangout and party or something. And wow, we are given the honor to host it this year. Out of the 21 member economies, they chose the Philippines, we won the bid.

Yes, the hassle of traffic, the walking-long-hours-and-kilometers-far-to-work dilemmas, the no-work, no-pay two day holiday, the cancelled flights, the business opportunity loss unarguably exists. But what also exists is that expenditures for hosting this APEC summit is spent on Philippine ground – goods, services, food, souvenirs, employment, exposure and promotion of local enterprises; anything related to this APEC summit will be spent and made here, not abroad, here. Not only that, we finally have a platform to open our doors to more foreign investments, market our MSMEs, formulate policies to enhance economic growth and improve trade relations, address disputes with some countries and all other issues just to name a few. I am no economist or expert but some of us are just too blind to see this.

And here we are again, whining and complaining and blaming government for a little shove off our comfort zones. If the government doesn’t do anything, of course we complain. If the government finally takes action, we’ll always find something to complain about. How else are we, as one country, grow and progress if we choose to remain closed-minded and stagnant and divided?

We always act based on heightened emotion and self-interest and sensationalize everything. So showbiz.

Makes me feel ashamed to be Filipino sometimes.

xx

DMV

Readings:

APEC What? An explainer of Manila’s high-profile week

What will the Philippines gain in hosting APEC 2015?

APEC Primer

Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation website

FAQs

Apple Jolo

Random thoughts on this last Friday of August

Sometimes you just jump, like off a cliff or a really tall building.

Drastically you just do, even if heavy fog blinds you and the only way is down and there is no way of finding out what lies beneath when you hit bottom, be it rocks or stone pavements or grass or sea.

Because for a split, staggering, unnerving moment…you fly.

xx

DMV

Yeah I’m off work in two hours, yay for the long weekend!

Give CREDIT where CREDIT is due

I was going through my FB feed when I stumbled on a note posted by a friend entitled Theresa. I don’t know who Theresa is or the story behind why she posted the note but as I read on, the post was somehow familiar. But it seemed like she claimed the write-up as hers so most of the comments were of praises on how well she wrote. So I posted the link of the original post on her comments box. My intention was to inform her that I am aware that her note was a repost and that she should at least give credit to the original writer. Well, she deleted my comment (being the link to the post of the original writer) and unfriended me (lol).

Anyway, I’d like to share the original post of Ella Ceron entitled You Will Fall In Love With A Broken Person and not Theresa.

AUGUST 6, 2014
You Will Fall In Love With A Broken Person
Ella Ceron

Whatever it is, whatever happened to them, whatever they’re going through, whatever haunts them and controls them and leaves them wanting more — it will have nothing and everything to do with you.

Nothing, because it probably happened before you entered their life. It was a breakup, or a trauma, or faith and trust and belief that went south somewhere.

Everything, because you will try to fix them, or help them, or wonder why you are not enough, why you cannot heal their wounds and mend their broken heart and change their mind.

You’re going to swear to yourself that you’ll never fall into this pit, and then you’ll watch as it happens. You’ll kick yourself for doing what you said you’d never do. You’ll ask yourself why you’re bothering. Why you think you’re the exception to the rule. Why you can’t just heed the warning signs.

You know, all along, that this is someone with a heart in shards, a soul in pieces, and little affection and warmth and stability to give you — you won’t blame them for it, they need all the resources they can give themselves — yet you still try.

Love works in funny ways, and we love all the things we never plan on loving. We attach ourselves to the things we think we should not love. Moths have their flames, little kids their wet cement, dogs their puddles.

We have lovers who do not — and cannot — love us back.

But you will love them, no matter how much you try not to. No matter how much you say you don’t. You’ll watch as they pull themselves further down, and sometimes drag you down too. They’re not trying to, but between keeping you at a distance and not knowing how to love you back, even if they want to, there’s a whole host of complications that bubble up when a broken person is loved by someone else.

Eventually, one of two things will happen. They let you in, bit by bit, and you learn slowly how to let them fix themselves; or you lick your wounds and move on. One is not more or less noble than the other. One hurts a little more. One is a little more rare. Both have the potential of breaking you. Both have the potential for you to learn that love is not something you force upon someone and demand they return, but something that you have to offer freely. Something that nobody’s obligated to accept. Whether or not they’re ready to take it. And if they’re not ready, then they’re not ready.

But you will fall in love with a broken person, at least once in your life. It happens to everyone. The odds are stacked against us that somebody or something will have gotten there first and wrenched somebody’s affection apart and left scars in those things we call our hearts. And the broken person you love will be hesitant and skittish and nervous, but that doesn’t mean they deserve any less love just because they’re afraid of being burned again.

All you can do is love them. All you can do is be there for them. And if you’re lucky, they will learn to love you, too.

If you’re not, and if you wind up breaking, too, well, you’re not alone. And if there’s anything love stories teach us, it’s that you can heal. You can grow. You can try again.

Because often, the broken people we find and fall in love with and help heal wind up being ourselves.

You Will Fall In Love With A Broken Person

It’s fine to repost stuff but at least have the decency to admit and inform that what you’ve just posted isn’t yours.

Yes Ms. Ceron, it is very well written.

xx

DMV

GIVE-CREDIT-WHERE-CREDIT-IS-DUE

 (Photo courtesy: Tumblr)

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