Posts Tagged ‘thoughts’

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3am Thoughts

January 10, 2020

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Enemies of the Heart | Guilt

April 9, 2019

Subscribed to this devotional recently and I’m just gonna leave Day 2 here. Just in case you stumble across this, read up.

Andy Stanley: Enemies of the Heart 

Devotional Day 2

“Fessing Up”

Scripture: 1 John 1:5-10

The first enemy of the heart is guilt. Guilt is the result of having done something we perceive as wrong. The message from a heart laden with guilt is, “I owe!”

Consider the man who runs off with another woman and abandons his family. Without realizing it at the time, he has stolen something from every member of his family. He has robbed his wife of her future, her financial security, and her reputation as a wife. From his children’s perspective, this man has stolen their Christmas, traditions, emotional and financial security, dinners with the family, and so on.

Now, the man who did all this doesn’t think in terms of what he has taken. Initially, he thinks in terms of what he has gained. But the first time his little girl asks him why he doesn’t love Mommy anymore, his heart is stirred. He now feels guilty. Dad owes.

Nothing less than paying that debt will relieve a guilty heart of its burden of guilt. People try to work it off, serve it off, give it off, and even pray it off. But no amount of good deeds, community service, charitable giving, or Sundays in a pew can relieve the guilt. It’s a debt. And it must be paid or canceled for a guilty heart to experience relief.

How do you get your guilt canceled? The answer comes in one of the first Bible verses I memorized as a child: 1 John 1:9. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (kjv).

Confession has the power to break the cycle of sin. And like most medicinal remedies, it works when applied properly. Proper application happens when we confess our sins, not just to God, but also to the people we’ve sinned against.

Guilty people are usually repeat offenders. And as long as you’re carrying a secret, as long as you’re trying to ease your conscience by telling God how sorry you are, you’re setting yourself up to repeat the past. However, if you start confessing your sins to the people you’ve sinned against, odds are that you’re not going to go back and commit those sins again.

Confess both to God and others, and you will slay this enemy of your heart.

What are you feeling guilty for? Confess your sin to God and to whomever you have hurt. Do it today.

“This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all. So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin. If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts.”

‭‭1 John‬ ‭1:5-10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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Bewitched by Children’s Laughter

February 6, 2019

I did not dream of having kids. It was never part of the plan.

I wanted to write and live in different places, experience this diverse, expansive earth everyone keeps talking about.

At some point, I even wanted to go to outer space, discover aliens, leave footprints on the moon, trek Mars, name stars.

But you see, life has a sick sense of humor and who would have imagined I’d end up birthing 3 boys instead.

The irony.

I wasn’t ready.

Stuck in the mundane.

I think I’ll never be ready.

Fine, joke’s on me.

But I kept on, even when my mind was in total chaos. I still keep on.

I had the choice to get away, to run away as I always do, but I stayed.

And trying to be a mother, keeping up a facade of this supposedly strong person and parenting alone while my heart shattered into infinite pieces, was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure.

But oh, the laughter of children, the sweetest songs, such beautiful music to my ears, I could listen to for a lifetime.

The course of our lives sometimes do not play out like how we pictured it in our heads but somehow, we always end up where we should be.

And most times, much happier.

 

xx

DMV

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Vienna

October 26, 2016

This — because October’s almost over.

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The Rebel

May 17, 2016

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Obsession Election

May 3, 2016

This 2016 elections is so intense, it has brought more division rather than unity. Everybody is at each other’s throats trying to prove some logical point why their choice of candidate is the rightful choice. Suddenly, everyone has become so concerned about a nation, everyone has become some expert political critic and social media has conveniently become fuel for hate. My feed is amazingly overflowing with negativity. Amidst the social media war, the heated exchange of quips, the cursing and mudslinging, some respond with tact and diplomacy while others, with their overwhelming passion for whatever cause they are fighting for, morph into rabid bullies.

The development of the campaigns has become chaotic, comical and unpredictable, it’s kind of embarrassing and plainly annoying.

But isn’t it, supposedly as one people, our aim is for the progress of our country? That is if we are genuinely concerned with the development of our country and not just riding with the sensationalized bandwagon because it is the social media trend.

Change. Everyone is screaming change. WE WANT CHANGE. The overused “change” has literally been the undying promise of every running or aspiring politician every election season. (And honestly, to be fair to the past and present administrations, there has been change, it’s just that most of us are just too naive to notice. Change is gradual, not drastic. Even Charles Darwin believes so.)

But change happens with us. Discipline starts with us, not with some government official, not with some political aspirant and definitely not only during elections.

We are all so quick to judge, to conclude, to blame and to complain. No government is perfect. It will always have its fair share of unforgivable gaffes but I do hope that as educated citizens, we could give credit where credit is due. It’s just sad, human nature as it is, we are bent to see faults rather than acomplishments.

Let’s try to reevaluate, what have we actually done to contribute to the progress of this country besides clocking in to work and paying taxes. Have we actually immersed ourselves in the community and experienced first hand the hell of a country we live in as what some are relentlessly claiming? Have we gone out of our way to find out facts to alleviate our ignorance and not solely rely on mass and social media? Are we adherent to our nation’s laws as simple as following traffic rules, lining up and waiting for your turn at the grocery counter or disposing your trash in the right receptacle bin? Have we grasped opportunities to involve ourselves in helping the homeless, the neglected and the abused?

If we really want to see real change, we have to be a part of the process.

Five days left of the campaign period, six days left before election day. By now, most of the voting population has already decided whom to vote so let’s show each other respect as what civilized people are supposed to do for it is our right to root for whoever we feel deserving. Regardless of who will win the elections, local and national alike, all of us will have to deal with it.

After May 9, most of us will go about our everyday lives like we normally do. But let’s not be insensitive to the marginalized multitude who’s become victims of abject poverty; let’s not be insensitive to the underprivileged youth, let’s not be insensitive to the abused women and children; let’s not.

All of us yearn for a better government so choose someone with integrity, someone with a clear vision for this country, someone with tact and wit and consistency, someone who is respectful and considerate, someone who values transparency, someone who upholds the rule of law.

Choose someone who complements your principles, values and beliefs.

Enough of being a circus. Stop with the drama. When you exercise your right to suffrage, think. Think of your countrymen, think of the children. Six years is a very long time.

 

xx

DMV

 

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Just some days.

April 3, 2016

Rarely. Just some days. 

  

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His Mind

March 4, 2016

It has always been a challenge (not a struggle) to raise a child with Asperger’s. They see a world so much different from ours, understand differently from what we can normally comprehend, grasp unrealistic ideas and view it as normal. They see color in black and whites and grays in color. They give a solid meaning to the word unique. So somewhere in between, you know you’d both clash and disagree.

But also in between you learn about patience (lots and lots and lots of patience), about perseverance, about compromise, about appreciation and amazement and unconditional love.

This kid, when he was younger, he could name all the flags of the world. When he got older, he could name all the car brands and their model types. Recently he’s into constellations and he’s been telling me about what he sees when he looks up the sky at night. It’s amazing how they could pour all concentration and focus and passion into that one thing that interests them and be scattered with all the rest.

There are days that I feel exhausted and helpless especially during the times when he is being unreasonable and throws a tantrum and no matter what I do he just completely shuts down and I can’t get through. There are days that I panic and overthink things, like how will he be able to live normally when I’ve gone. There are days when I feel like a failure and think that I am not doing enough despite all the medication and doctors and therapy.

Then there are days when he is overly sweet, does his chores, surprises me with I love you balloons and letters, talks to me about his day like what he did with his friends at school, jokes about random things, looks after his youngest brother and somehow, it assures me that somewhere, I am doing things right.

This kid, he’s taught me a lot about living. How to appreciate the little things, how to pay attention to detail, how to strive harder and never give up, how to dream. When he is shattered, I need to focus. When he is unnerved, I need to encourage. When he is irrational, I have to be patient. When he is being stubborn, I have to pour more love.

And yes he is extraordinary and atypical and awesome and I’m very very grateful.


xx

DMV

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What we are made of

March 1, 2016

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DMV

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Sentiments | #APEC2015

November 19, 2015
Philippines APEC Protest

Protesters chant near a venue hosting the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) summit in Manila, Philippines, Wednesday, Nov. 18, 2015. Leaders from 21 countries and self-governing territories are gathering in Manila for the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation summit. The meeting’s official agenda is focused on trade, business and economic issues but terrorism, South China Sea disputes and climate change are also set to be in focus.(AP Photo/Aaron Favila)

Read article here.

No, I do not walk eight hours to work since Monday because of road closures. Heavy traffic due to some national event does not happen in the area where I live. Call me insensitive but what is one week of sacrifice (and maybe a little exercise) to a possible breakthrough for our country? I’m not keeping my hopes up but WHAT IF? I don’t know what these rallyists or these anti-APEC activists thrusts are all about. I’m too lazy to even learn or find out. I’m not sure if they are that dense to not know the possible impact this APEC Summit could bring to our country or if they are just simply that naive. I don’t even know what the fuck I’m talking about in here.

Point is, a simple shove on what you are so accustomed of doing (on a daily basis) suddenly becomes a sensationalized national issue. I understand a week might be too long for the hassle of going through all the walking and traffic, etcetera. You might say I don’t reserve the right to comment on these because I do not have the privilege of experiencing it first hand, but so what. All these big shot leaders from around the world came into a forum for a reason. It’s not like they came together to just hangout and party or something. And wow, we are given the honor to host it this year. Out of the 21 member economies, they chose the Philippines, we won the bid.

Yes, the hassle of traffic, the walking-long-hours-and-kilometers-far-to-work dilemmas, the no-work, no-pay two day holiday, the cancelled flights, the business opportunity loss unarguably exists. But what also exists is that expenditures for hosting this APEC summit is spent on Philippine ground – goods, services, food, souvenirs, employment, exposure and promotion of local enterprises; anything related to this APEC summit will be spent and made here, not abroad, here. Not only that, we finally have a platform to open our doors to more foreign investments, market our MSMEs, formulate policies to enhance economic growth and improve trade relations, address disputes with some countries and all other issues just to name a few. I am no economist or expert but some of us are just too blind to see this.

And here we are again, whining and complaining and blaming government for a little shove off our comfort zones. If the government doesn’t do anything, of course we complain. If the government finally takes action, we’ll always find something to complain about. How else are we, as one country, grow and progress if we choose to remain closed-minded and stagnant and divided?

We always act based on heightened emotion and self-interest and sensationalize everything. So showbiz.

Makes me feel ashamed to be Filipino sometimes.

xx

DMV

Readings:

APEC What? An explainer of Manila’s high-profile week

What will the Philippines gain in hosting APEC 2015?

APEC Primer

Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation website

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