ASD, bullying and being a single mom

I never thought that being a single mom and raising a teenager with Asperger’s syndrome would be so difficult, until now.

So today, I found out that my kid gets bullied at school. He’s been called names and laughed at because of his different behavior that most people would call weird. His schoolmates would put in disparaging comments on his Facebook posts but he would be answering them back with naivety and it irks my sleeping bitch.

[ I am totally against kids and social media until they are maybe of legal age. Some of the things going on there would not be fully comprehended by a thirteen year old. Just because it is shared doesn’t mean it is right. If it was just up to me, I wouldn’t allow my kids to have social media pages but their school required them to create one in relation to their school activities. ]

As a mom, I would do anything to protect my kid. I literally want to grab these stupid bullies by the throat and drag their faces on asphalt until they are expunged (and to think I’ve never been physically violent for whatever my whole life but I actually have these thoughts) because it hurts so much to see my child being taken advantaged of and ridiculed just because he doesn’t think the same way as they do.

I’ve never felt so helpless. I honestly don’t know how to deal with the kind of situation my kid is going through as I have never experienced being bullied in elementary or high school. I’ve tried talking to him, asked him what was wrong, that he could tell me anything and that I am here to help him and he would just tell me everything is okay, that nothing is wrong and then shut me out, he doesn’t want to talk to me or maybe he doesn’t trust me enough to confide in me.

So here I was, crying all morning, feeling useless, blaming myself for whatever reason that would cross my head and decided to ask for advise from a friend. I poured out how I felt and the one thing he told me was that my kid maybe needs a man to guide him and I felt so brokenhearted because I’m all he got and I don’t know how to help him. I’ve been raising three boys on my own and I know at some point there would be things that I won’t be able to teach or impart to them but I’ve been trying really hard to fill in the gaps. That “needs a man” option is not on my list because I believe he doesn’t really need one.

Maybe he’s in an awkward stage, you know where teenagers vie for attention from their peers, that sense of validation or belongingness, I have no idea, but he might be doing it all wrong. I was thinking earlier of going to the school, reporting the bullies to the principal or even get in between and be involved but my friend told me that it would just make matters worse. My kid would be branded a momma’s boy or a little baby and I was like I just can’t sit and watch my kid go through this madness. I know I may have exaggeratedly reacted to the situation but this is my kid we’re talking about here.

My friend told me to relax and assured me that eventually, my child would learn how to deal with his monsters. He went through a lot of bullying himself, at home and at school and he got out okay. He told me that I have to let my kid be, he has to learn how to be independent and deal with different situations on his own. I won’t always be around so he has to figure some things out for himself.

I’m feeling more and more confused so to speak. I feel so alone and defeated. I just want my son to open up to me and tell me what is wrong and how he wants to deal with whatever problem he’s facing and how I could help him.

I guess being a parent doesn’t warrant me to think and act for my kid but I don’t know if that also applies to children with special needs. I recently enrolled him to take guitar lessons because he’s more interested in music than sports (although I’d really want him to learn boxing or mixed martial arts). I just hope this is a good diversion to whatever awkward situation he is going through.

xx

DMV

Single Mommyship

And all the stereotypes that go along with it.

NO, totally not my fault I’m in this situation. I did not choose to become a single mom, I mean who in their right mind wouldn’t want their kids to grow up with a complete family? But unfortunately, it did not work out like it should for us and life just has to go on. I’d rather be alone than be stuck in a very unhealthy relationship, seriously.

But these stereotypes. Sorry if I am PMSing, but really?

One stereotype that really irks me is that when you date a single mom, she will financially drain you. (WTF?)

C’mon, living in a third world, poverty stricken country doesn’t only limit “single moms” that will feed on your very fat bank account. The impoverished marginalized has long discovered pimping their children (daughters) to Caucasians with the thinking that if he’s white and has dollars, they be rich.

So do not categorize me into some money hungry single mother because honestly I don’t need your money. I work hard to earn a living for me and my kids and we are totally fine. It’s all a matter of time and financial management, a matter of priorities. And with what I do, my kids are able to go to reputable schools; eat 3, 5 times a day; involve in extra curricular activities; I am able to pay bills; my dogs have updated shots; I buy them dog food; I get to buy “want” stuff for my children, “want” stuff for myself and we can afford to go on vacations (even bringing along the nanny).

And yes, I also have a social life. I can afford my Jack Ds, you don’t need to buy me a drink.

I think I know myself really well, I know I am not a bad person and I know I’ve got so much to offer although I also know for a fact I don’t really need a man in my life. So if you come up to me, tell me you like me, ask for my number and then find out that I have kids and just suddenly gives me the silent treatment or go cold turkey on me, please do not assume that I am looking for someone to father my children, I’m not; do not assume that I am looking for someone to provide for me and my kids, I could very well provide for myself and my kids and my dogs; we could always be friends, I don’t intend to marry you (rolls eyes).

I totally get if some people (men) want to steer away from single mothers thinking of the baggage upon baggage upon baggage these moms be carrying but I just hope that you have enough respect and see past through your narrow mindedness and actually see how strong these women are. I understand that a woman with lots of responsibilities (children) is sometimes too much to handle but please know that being a single mother isn’t easy and it wouldn’t hurt for you to be a little kind. We feel like everyone else, bleed like everyone else. We struggle like everyone else because our children solely depends on us. We give and love twice as much to compensate for the father that is not there.

Please stop stereotyping us and possibly treat us like normal people, because we are.

 

xx

DMV