That Year-ender

I’m still freaking curious.

There was a spark, I know there was a spark and I’m missing that spark.

I’ve been digging inside my head since that Thursday and I still can’t find you and your words and that smile.

I’ve no memory.


Pain inspires

If there is one thing I have learned from the past four years, is that pain inspires me more than anything. I could never really write about love or happiness, I just normally suck at it. But pain–oh pain is the ink that fuels the rambling chaos inside my head which randomly spill onto blank pages and they make such beautiful unconventional art. So to everyone who has caused me pain or shared with me their pain, thank you so much for injecting feelings and emotions to this numb heart.

That night, she knew she should stop hoping.

Random thoughts on this last Friday of August

Sometimes you just jump, like off a cliff or a really tall building.

Drastically you just do, even if heavy fog blinds you and the only way is down and there is no way of finding out what lies beneath when you hit bottom, be it rocks or stone pavements or grass or sea.

Because for a split, staggering, unnerving moment…you fly.



Yeah I’m off work in two hours, yay for the long weekend!

Compliments to You

Warning: Yet another vent out session.

Okay…first, here’s an update of the penance I am ACTUALLY doing for lent:

1. Online shopping. This will be forty days worth of savings.
2. Alcohol. Forty days of sobriety (FYI: I don’t drink everyday and no, I don’t have a drinking problem).
3. Meat, chicken and rice. Goodbye US Roast Beef Carving on Valentines day. On the brighter side, this will be good for my diet. I’ve been trying to lose weight since forever.
4. Junk food. Now looking for another way to deal with stress, hmmm…

Yes, there’s only ONE left that I’m still doing, only ONE left that is not broken (well, I almost did the last time I was online on Facebook). Everything else is well…and with this hangover that I’m having right now I think I’m feeling a little bit depressed.

And a little bit, well I am really very annoyed. I don’t get why some people are so rude.

I was on my way to the atm when I passed a few acquaintances (take note: ACQUAINTANCES. We are not even close) and they said hi to me but I don’t get why they still had to add “Ooh! You’re looking fat!” “Hi Chiki, you gained weight!”

Where are your manners people?! I might have been glad and maybe my headache would have gone if they’ve said I was looking good or even just HI. It would have made me feel better if they totally ignored me instead.

So I yelled at them and asked: What the fuck is your problem? I don’t really need this early morning bullshit! Do I even know you? Are we even friends? Do you know the hell I’ve been through trying to lose weight forever and here you are telling me I look fat? Don’t you have anything good to say? If you want to make small talk why don’t you try talking to the wall instead, leave me alone and mind your own goddamn business?!

Okay. So that was the scene inside my head. Unlike them, I do have manners. So I just smiled back, shut my mouth and went on with my business.

Maybe they should’ve attended the Parenting seminar I went to last week so that they could tell their parents to teach them some manners. Their parents might have missed out on that part.


I think I’ve vented out enough. Now where is that paracetamol…



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