Posts Tagged ‘post’

h1

Bewitched by Children’s Laughter

February 6, 2019

I did not dream of having kids. It was never part of the plan.

I wanted to write and live in different places, experience this diverse, expansive earth everyone keeps talking about.

At some point, I even wanted to go to outer space, discover aliens, leave footprints on the moon, trek Mars, name stars.

But you see, life has a sick sense of humor and who would have imagined I’d end up birthing 3 boys instead.

The irony.

I wasn’t ready.

Stuck in the mundane.

I think I’ll never be ready.

Fine, joke’s on me.

But I kept on, even when my mind was in total chaos. I still keep on.

I had the choice to get away, to run away as I always do, but I stayed.

And trying to be a mother, keeping up a facade of this supposedly strong person and parenting alone while my heart shattered into infinite pieces, was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure.

But oh, the laughter of children, the sweetest songs, such beautiful music to my ears, I could listen to for a lifetime.

The course of our lives sometimes do not play out like how we pictured it in our heads but somehow, we always end up where we should be.

And most times, much happier.

 

xx

DMV

h1

God and Religious Stereotypes

July 20, 2018

I think I’ve kept quiet long enough. Too long even. I’ve kept quiet most of my life. Maybe I was scared. Maybe out of respect for the people who took (and still takes) care of me and taught me early on all that is viable in life. Or maybe because I know my opinions would be judged and unacceptable to some (or most). Or maybe because I know I will be looked down upon because my faith is rather unconventional. I don’t know.

God and Religion are two totally different things.

God is definitely not religion. Do not confuse yourself.

I am not religious at all, I’m sorry. It’s nothing I’m proud of, just pointing out that I’m not. And I wish to not identify with any religion. But don’t get me wrong, I do believe in God and know for a fact that I have a great relationship with my Creator.

There is this stereotype that people who do not identify with a particular religion must therefore be an atheist. I have nothing against atheists. In fact, I know a lot of atheists, I have friends who are atheists and most of them are really good people. We are all entitled to our own beliefs. Religion or religious beliefs or nonbeliefs do not make a person. Religions are but human institutions that enhances your experience of God but just because you do not identify to one does not mean that you cannot experience God.

I’m not religious because I’m just not impressed with it. I feel like it limits someone’s understanding of faith as each “religion” has its own distinct ideologies and cultures and traditions EVEN IF they claim to worship the same higher being.

And although I am not religious, I know, I KNOW that my God loves me the same as everyone else because my God is omnipotent and unbiased and merciful.

There is this other stereotype that if you don’t identify to a particular religion, your soul won’t be “saved.” I think I’ve lost count of how many people would scold me or tell me off when I don’t go to church, like as if rubbing shoulders with hypocrites really make my Sundays better. They will then proceed to tell me that you are there to worship God and not the people who attend church and I’m like aren’t these worship leaders, these priests, people as well? They are actually one of the reasons why religion turned me off. I do go to church sometimes, the coffee is always good.

I am very much aware, growing up in a family with closed religious beliefs, that as a “Christian,” I am obliged to go to Sunday mass or worship service, share in charities and actively participate in small groups (and I did for so many years). That is what tradition dictates. Not sure what sort of validation they get from doing so as I feel like their idea of being good followers of Christ or how a Christian life is to be led are pegged on their church attendance or the amount they give for tithes and offerings. I don’t really need to let the whole world know of the good that I do. Publishing it on multimedia and spilling it all over social media does not secure you a spot in heaven.

I don’t go for certain reasons I’m sure most people (who also call themselves Christians) won’t or refuse to understand. I however, worship my God in my own, intimate way, I don’t really need to let everyone in on how I do it because at the end of it all, it’s going to boil down to just me and Him. I keep a devotional that I read and reflect on every morning, I converse with my God about random things as I go about my day and I’m a fervent believer of prayer. Yes, I pray a lot and I also teach my children how to pray and be thankful for the life God has graced upon us. How fortunate are we to experience this beautiful world.

You see, each of us have our own ideals and beliefs and just because we are so passionate with ours, does not give us the right to dictate or force it on someone who does not share the same.

I wish everyone would learn to respect each other’s unique principles instead of being bigots and judgmental human beings.

I love my God and I always try to do whatever it is that will be pleasing to Him. I hope, as believers, you do the same.

IMG_6095

xx

DMV

h1

Rainy Friday Afternoon

June 8, 2018

When everyone is used to running towards you, expecting you to fix their cracks and you try to seal it, feigning wit and refreshing humor, to somehow complete whatever it is that they lack.

You have this way of making things better after you, it’s hard to explain. The sponge so they say.

But who extracts the water from the sponge when it is full?

The glass is overflowing but they still continue to pour, fumbling for your lifeboat as they drown in the turbulent seas they ceaselessly create. You also give away your life jacket.

When you are gagged to even feel broken and muted so as not to be judged, the words bleed out of your mouth and drain you empty.

The silence is almost, always deafening, amplified by the sickening reflection you see when you stare at yourself in the mirror and find that there is no one around but you.

The world could seem like a complete nightmare sometimes.

I asked if you were okay and you laughed a little too loud, smiled a little to hard and held a little too tight when you said “I’m perfectly fine.”

 

xx

DMV

h1

Mayana Peak | Too foggy for a view

June 4, 2018

Quick getaway for me and my munkeys before school starts.

Weather was not on our side, gods must’ve been smoking a ton of clouds nonstop but still, the foggy pictures looked eerie beautiful.

DCIM102GOPROGOPR2672.JPG

If you want to opt for a day hike with a magnificent view — Mayana Peak. It is located at Sitio Punod, San Carlos City, only an hour and a half travel from Bacolod City. Getting there you could take a public bus or use a private vehicle. A 4WD could go up to where you start your trek (I’m saying a 4WD because on a rainy day it is really slippery, but a 2WD could do depending on the weather condition); or if a private vehicle is not available, from the entrance of the Sitio, you could take a habal-habal for P100; or if you are the more adventurous type, you could walk from the drop off, takes about an hour to reach the peak but more time to take in the feels and the sights.

At the bottom of the peak, there is a tourist lodge where you log your information and from there they will provide you with a guide. They don’t charge any fees for the hike up but donations or tips are very much welcome.

IMG_4292

It was really foggy when we went and it would have been a pretty view if the skies were clear but well, June is the start of the rainy season and we took our chances.

XXFH0682

It’s a short trek up to the peak, about 15-20 minutes, depending on your pace but it’s kind of steep.

OPDLE2001

Something like off a Land Before Time scene (haha), right before the fog set in.

First of many. We’ll be back on a better day.

IMG_E4213

 

xx

DMV

h1

Sitting with the Rebels

January 31, 2018

I used to not understand the complexity of insurgency; how it is deeply rooted onto ideologies so unfamiliar from what is taught through tradition.

The people branded as rebels have been stereotyped as savages. They are a people civilians have learned to fear.

What most fail to see is, they too are just, well, people. They too deserve to be heard, to be seen, to be felt, to be taken cared of. They too are citizens of this universe and they too have rights and is protected by the laws of the land.

Processed with VSCO with p5 preset

Now I’m not saying what they do is generally acceptable especially when clashing and raising arms against the military or when civilians get involuntarily dragged into their encounters, everything has it’s limitations. But what I’m trying to get at is despite the ruthlessness and notoriety, they have the right to equal opportunities accorded to all.

Processed with VSCO with m3 preset

Insurgency has always been a prevalent problem in our country which is why the government has created programs that extend development interventions to isolated, hard-to-reach and conflict-affected communities, ensuring that they are not left behind. Programs anchored on inclusion, accountability, transparency and sustainability.

Processed with VSCO with p5 preset

For those unaware, I work with the Provincial Government of Negros Occidental under the Technology and Livelihood Development division. PGNO already has an existing peace program through the Provincial Peace Integration and Development Unit (Pro-PIDU) in partnership with the 303rd Brigade wherein former combatants who decide to surrender arms will receive a livelihood package. The province has an existing half-way house wherein returnees are debriefed for reintegration to equip them when they start a civilized lifestyle.

For this year, our office as part of the Pro-PIDU, decided to focus our services on armed conflict-affected communities considering that areas tagged as such receive the least due to the risk involved.

Processed with VSCO with p5 preset

Last week, we’ve started our first tranche immersing into these areas doing orientations on our services, livelihood trainings and assistance, conducting surveys and just simply getting to know the people and their culture.

I’ve cried more than once this past week, their stories are so heartbreaking. And I’ve seen first hand what it is like to live a life like theirs.

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

There are so many problems most especially the basics: water, shelter, health. I’ve learned (and seen) that greed has grossly plagued those in power at the expense of the poor, thus insurgency. It has become a vicious cycle. The lack of political will gravely affects the marginalized and it is so sad.

Processed with VSCO with p5 preset

But we’ve expressed that not everyone in government is tainted. And I am glad that the communities we interacted with gave us the chance to be heard and is open to our aid.

Processed with VSCO with p5 preset

Despite their present situations, the people are generally happy and very accommodating. They’ve given us a feast (they grow their own food).

The experience is very humbling. Makes you realize how petty your problems are.

Thank you to the communities, the Barangay Captains and Council, the PNP for facilitating our visits and accommodating us. Thank you universe for keeping us safe.

 

xx

DMV

 

h1

Dearcember 8: Just another Coincidence

December 8, 2017

While scrolling through one of my social media sites, I came across your profile shoving me with happy faces of you and her. Funny, how you both made it official on the exact date we met over a year ago.

To be honest I felt a weight in my chest but only for a bit, then I found myself letting out a loud sigh.

A friend of mine started this challenge called #dearcember where you write an open letter for 30 people for 30 days. I don’t have 30 letters for 30 people for 30 days but I have today in particular and just one letter to write for just one person in mind.

So if ever you stumble upon this and feel like maybe it’s for you…well, here it goes:

You were a happy coincidence.

It was so random but we matched in so many ways.

I’m not sure why the universe allowed our paths to cross, even until now that question remains unanswered; will remain unanswered. They say everything happens for a reason but you turned out to be some kind of bullish confusion and it has always left me wondering.

Maybe it was because you needed to give me something I did not know I needed.

Momentary attention, appreciation, a push to quiet my emerging insecurities.

Soulmate. Whatever that is.

We were the same but different. You were my deja vu. I saw myself in you but I guess you found me too complicated.

I thought we were okay.

I would never know if you were a hint of hope or something misleading.

You added more pieces to my shattered ones but I’ve always felt numb anyway so it didn’t really hurt.

Despite having left with the door wide open when you suddenly decided you cannot stay, leaving the cold memories and what could have beens to linger in my head a little longer, I’m thankful for you.

You unearthed a part of me I did not know still existed.

You gave new meaning to emotions.

You forged color into my words and taught me that pain make such beautiful unconventional art.

For the most part of it, you showed me that I am after all, still human.

That I could be vulnerable and it’s okay to feel sad that we ended way before we even had the chance to begin, that you left me hanging and have me the impression that I am not enough to deserve some sort of closure.

So I guess this is how I end things, to finally put a dot to your unfinished sentence and close a book I haven’t even started to read.

I wish she complements your passions and understand your wit and give you the happiness you’ve so long been looking for, we all deserve it some way or another.

By now, you have become my so long ago, a fading thought and finally — I’m done.

xx

DMV

h1

ASD, bullying and being a single mom

April 11, 2017

I never thought that being a single mom and raising a teenager with Asperger’s syndrome would be so difficult, until now.

So today, I found out that my kid gets bullied at school. He’s been called names and laughed at because of his different behavior that most people would call weird. His schoolmates would put in disparaging comments on his Facebook posts but he would be answering them back with naivety and it irks my sleeping bitch.

[ I am totally against kids and social media until they are maybe of legal age. Some of the things going on there would not be fully comprehended by a thirteen year old. Just because it is shared doesn’t mean it is right. If it was just up to me, I wouldn’t allow my kids to have social media pages but their school required them to create one in relation to their school activities. ]

As a mom, I would do anything to protect my kid. I literally want to grab these stupid bullies by the throat and drag their faces on asphalt until they are expunged (and to think I’ve never been physically violent for whatever my whole life but I actually have these thoughts) because it hurts so much to see my child being taken advantaged of and ridiculed just because he doesn’t think the same way as they do.

I’ve never felt so helpless. I honestly don’t know how to deal with the kind of situation my kid is going through as I have never experienced being bullied in elementary or high school. I’ve tried talking to him, asked him what was wrong, that he could tell me anything and that I am here to help him and he would just tell me everything is okay, that nothing is wrong and then shut me out, he doesn’t want to talk to me or maybe he doesn’t trust me enough to confide in me.

So here I was, crying all morning, feeling useless, blaming myself for whatever reason that would cross my head and decided to ask for advise from a friend. I poured out how I felt and the one thing he told me was that my kid maybe needs a man to guide him and I felt so brokenhearted because I’m all he got and I don’t know how to help him. I’ve been raising three boys on my own and I know at some point there would be things that I won’t be able to teach or impart to them but I’ve been trying really hard to fill in the gaps. That “needs a man” option is not on my list because I believe he doesn’t really need one.

Maybe he’s in an awkward stage, you know where teenagers vie for attention from their peers, that sense of validation or belongingness, I have no idea, but he might be doing it all wrong. I was thinking earlier of going to the school, reporting the bullies to the principal or even get in between and be involved but my friend told me that it would just make matters worse. My kid would be branded a momma’s boy or a little baby and I was like I just can’t sit and watch my kid go through this madness. I know I may have exaggeratedly reacted to the situation but this is my kid we’re talking about here.

My friend told me to relax and assured me that eventually, my child would learn how to deal with his monsters. He went through a lot of bullying himself, at home and at school and he got out okay. He told me that I have to let my kid be, he has to learn how to be independent and deal with different situations on his own. I won’t always be around so he has to figure some things out for himself.

I’m feeling more and more confused so to speak. I feel so alone and defeated. I just want my son to open up to me and tell me what is wrong and how he wants to deal with whatever problem he’s facing and how I could help him.

I guess being a parent doesn’t warrant me to think and act for my kid but I don’t know if that also applies to children with special needs. I recently enrolled him to take guitar lessons because he’s more interested in music than sports (although I’d really want him to learn boxing or mixed martial arts). I just hope this is a good diversion to whatever awkward situation he is going through.

xx

DMV

h1

Give CREDIT where CREDIT is due

August 27, 2014

I was going through my FB feed when I stumbled on a note posted by a friend entitled Theresa. I don’t know who Theresa is or the story behind why she posted the note but as I read on, the post was somehow familiar. But it seemed like she claimed the write-up as hers so most of the comments were of praises on how well she wrote. So I posted the link of the original post on her comments box. My intention was to inform her that I am aware that her note was a repost and that she should at least give credit to the original writer. Well, she deleted my comment (being the link to the post of the original writer) and unfriended me (lol).

Anyway, I’d like to share the original post of Ella Ceron entitled You Will Fall In Love With A Broken Person and not Theresa.

AUGUST 6, 2014
You Will Fall In Love With A Broken Person
Ella Ceron

Whatever it is, whatever happened to them, whatever they’re going through, whatever haunts them and controls them and leaves them wanting more — it will have nothing and everything to do with you.

Nothing, because it probably happened before you entered their life. It was a breakup, or a trauma, or faith and trust and belief that went south somewhere.

Everything, because you will try to fix them, or help them, or wonder why you are not enough, why you cannot heal their wounds and mend their broken heart and change their mind.

You’re going to swear to yourself that you’ll never fall into this pit, and then you’ll watch as it happens. You’ll kick yourself for doing what you said you’d never do. You’ll ask yourself why you’re bothering. Why you think you’re the exception to the rule. Why you can’t just heed the warning signs.

You know, all along, that this is someone with a heart in shards, a soul in pieces, and little affection and warmth and stability to give you — you won’t blame them for it, they need all the resources they can give themselves — yet you still try.

Love works in funny ways, and we love all the things we never plan on loving. We attach ourselves to the things we think we should not love. Moths have their flames, little kids their wet cement, dogs their puddles.

We have lovers who do not — and cannot — love us back.

But you will love them, no matter how much you try not to. No matter how much you say you don’t. You’ll watch as they pull themselves further down, and sometimes drag you down too. They’re not trying to, but between keeping you at a distance and not knowing how to love you back, even if they want to, there’s a whole host of complications that bubble up when a broken person is loved by someone else.

Eventually, one of two things will happen. They let you in, bit by bit, and you learn slowly how to let them fix themselves; or you lick your wounds and move on. One is not more or less noble than the other. One hurts a little more. One is a little more rare. Both have the potential of breaking you. Both have the potential for you to learn that love is not something you force upon someone and demand they return, but something that you have to offer freely. Something that nobody’s obligated to accept. Whether or not they’re ready to take it. And if they’re not ready, then they’re not ready.

But you will fall in love with a broken person, at least once in your life. It happens to everyone. The odds are stacked against us that somebody or something will have gotten there first and wrenched somebody’s affection apart and left scars in those things we call our hearts. And the broken person you love will be hesitant and skittish and nervous, but that doesn’t mean they deserve any less love just because they’re afraid of being burned again.

All you can do is love them. All you can do is be there for them. And if you’re lucky, they will learn to love you, too.

If you’re not, and if you wind up breaking, too, well, you’re not alone. And if there’s anything love stories teach us, it’s that you can heal. You can grow. You can try again.

Because often, the broken people we find and fall in love with and help heal wind up being ourselves.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/ella-ceron/2014/08/you-will-fall-in-love-with-a-broken-person/

It’s fine to repost stuff but at least have the decency to admit and inform that what you’ve just posted isn’t yours.

Yes Ms. Ceron, it is very well written.

xx

DMV

GIVE-CREDIT-WHERE-CREDIT-IS-DUE

 (Photo courtesy: Tumblr)

%d bloggers like this: