Tag: poetry

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End of 2022 | New Year 2023

2022 was like cryptic poetry. A stack of unopened boxes full of mystery. It started with intimately wrapped presents encased under pretty gift wrappers, opening to a delightful surprise at a new dawn. A series of firsts after the long lockdown and life began to restart after 3 years.

Work came in full swing and I was busy as an ant building an enormous colony, you get lost in days, weeks, months.

But it rewarded me with views of the clouds, the sound of feet over cobblestone streets, a taste of historic monuments and foreign delicacies, interesting conversations with different colors and old friends, even an introduction to a scent I will never, never get used to.

I’ve woken up to foggy mornings and the sound of chirping birds and slept under fairy lights with a preview of the milky way.

I soaked in the sun, I dug my toes in the sand, I savored the remnants of salt in my skin, in my hair, I watched a collection of mesmerizing sunsets and it was breathtaking every time. 

I reunited with family and it was filled with long ago laughter, it was a streak of hangovers and countless sleepovers.

Despite starting the year right, until maybe to the first of the last quarter, with the universe having a sick sense of humor, I opened the twelfth box to an unexpected plot twist and I find myself crying through December, utterly frustrated and defeated. I have no words.

We are handed different, sometimes explicit, circumstances and we are exhausted maybe, but I only wish for renewed strength and a bit of happiness to survive the unchanging uncertain. And ultimately, just be thankful for everything in between, the big and little things that has put a miraculous glow on my face.

May we look up to the sky and find the stars align to be a compass that sets out to guide us when we are lost in the darkness, to ignite the spark of hope we need that burns to a fire that will lead us out. Out of misery, out of loneliness, out of exhaustion.

And as the year finally closes, keep in mind that everything will eventually fall into place exactly as it should, when it should, even when we go forward into another start of unopened mysterious boxes.

Have a happy end of the year and start of another year.

/ DMV /

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Lonely Thursdays

It was a lonely Thursday when I impulsively got on that plane to find myself. 

Soothe the trembling hands from a longing so unbearably painful, the noise from my throbbing chest so awfully loud. 

Is this how it is to love truly? To intentionally be blind from candied lies and dilated pride? Could I even take it all in? For the longest time, could I or should I or would I? Must I? 

Blank spaces. I remember staring at the wall of the four corners of this cramped up space I pretty much called home for the weekend, waiting for a call that will never come and started to ask my self, am I even significant? So many unanswered questions kept running through my head and it kept me awake most of the night, inviting insomnia overthinking on the past 12 years.

And in between the commotion of what ifs and regrets I try to battle when evening comes and the silence sets in, I realize that life is a fleeting goodbye and peace is a fragile bonus. I realized, as I grew older, the circle I treaded, once wide, has become small and narrow, and I’d rather that. My time is now. This is my time. And I choose to be selfish. I will release myself of anything that does not curve the corners of my mouth and quiet the insecurities that threaten to surface. I will feast on wonder, on silly nonsense, on joy, on self love; to wake and greet the reflection that has evolved into this beautiful version of Me. Wounded, scarred, but slowly healing.

xx DMV

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3rd Quarter Musings

I think—no, I believe I haven’t written in a very loooong time. This pandemic has fvcked up my sleeping cycle, my body clock, my little to less routines, and totally drained out whatever is left of the creative ink circulating in my brain. I started this back last year if I’m not mistaken? And I guess stories of certain events and bent up feelings of excitement coupled with a little anxiety finally finished it. Soooo, yeah, here haha.

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The Day Everything Changed

One full year isolated from friends and loved ones.

One full year out of work, out of school.

One full year of faces hidden behind a collection of masks.

One full year of life as we know it, thrown into complete disarray.

Exactly a year ago when the world went into a standstill, locked down and boarded up as we were thrown into a wave of uncertainty, unprepared and caught off guard, spiraling into a state of disequilibrium, a life characterized by fear and anxiety.

One full year since the day everything changed and away from a reality we will never get back.

Can we ever grasp the new normalcy we struggle to live with?

Will we ever become comfortable in the daily uncertain?

Will we ever see through the shadows of a dream draped with looming obscurity?

Will freedom be less defined?

Endless questions with answers held by a future that remains dimly vague,

With tiny slivers of hope only few seem to recognize, rejected by most as distrust blind their discernment.

Out of this chaos, may we realize that everything can end in an instant so focus on what is important and always be grateful for somehow, we are still surviving.

xx

DMV

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Cliff glider

I never imagined getting affected by the flimsiest of things but here I am, a chaotic mess of sad, angry and feeling bad. Yes, I felt bad.

It never crossed my mind that I would develop anxiety but the past 10 months of uncontrollable uncertainty has turned me into a silent wreck.

Isolation and confinement has pushed me to reach out to people, recklessly exposing myself to be emotionally vulnerable and I’ve been led on and left out.

I’ve never done any of these things before and it’s overwhelmingly new and suffocating. And as soon as someone paid attention, I easily forget that expectation is paired with disappointment.

I used to be so good at refocusing my thoughts, blocking out bad memories, or just not giving a care but somehow, it’s been getting really hard to hold it all together and not being able to control what runs through my head is taking its toll on me.

Too heavy.

Too depressing.

Too confusing.

Too much.

xx

DMV

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That Year-ender

I’m still freaking curious.

There was a spark, I know there was a spark and I’m missing that spark.

I’ve been digging inside my head since that Thursday and I still can’t find you and your words and that smile.

I’ve no memory.

 

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