Posts Tagged ‘Marriage’

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Enemies of the Heart | Guilt

April 9, 2019

Subscribed to this devotional recently and I’m just gonna leave Day 2 here. Just in case you stumble across this, read up.

Andy Stanley: Enemies of the Heart 

Devotional Day 2

“Fessing Up”

Scripture: 1 John 1:5-10

The first enemy of the heart is guilt. Guilt is the result of having done something we perceive as wrong. The message from a heart laden with guilt is, “I owe!”

Consider the man who runs off with another woman and abandons his family. Without realizing it at the time, he has stolen something from every member of his family. He has robbed his wife of her future, her financial security, and her reputation as a wife. From his children’s perspective, this man has stolen their Christmas, traditions, emotional and financial security, dinners with the family, and so on.

Now, the man who did all this doesn’t think in terms of what he has taken. Initially, he thinks in terms of what he has gained. But the first time his little girl asks him why he doesn’t love Mommy anymore, his heart is stirred. He now feels guilty. Dad owes.

Nothing less than paying that debt will relieve a guilty heart of its burden of guilt. People try to work it off, serve it off, give it off, and even pray it off. But no amount of good deeds, community service, charitable giving, or Sundays in a pew can relieve the guilt. It’s a debt. And it must be paid or canceled for a guilty heart to experience relief.

How do you get your guilt canceled? The answer comes in one of the first Bible verses I memorized as a child: 1 John 1:9. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (kjv).

Confession has the power to break the cycle of sin. And like most medicinal remedies, it works when applied properly. Proper application happens when we confess our sins, not just to God, but also to the people we’ve sinned against.

Guilty people are usually repeat offenders. And as long as you’re carrying a secret, as long as you’re trying to ease your conscience by telling God how sorry you are, you’re setting yourself up to repeat the past. However, if you start confessing your sins to the people you’ve sinned against, odds are that you’re not going to go back and commit those sins again.

Confess both to God and others, and you will slay this enemy of your heart.

What are you feeling guilty for? Confess your sin to God and to whomever you have hurt. Do it today.

“This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all. So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin. If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts.”

‭‭1 John‬ ‭1:5-10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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So What Now?

March 20, 2018

March 19, 2018 – On it’s final reading, The House of Representatives has approved the Absolute Divorce Bill.

A milestone for the Philippines, the farthest a divorce law proposal has gone in the legislative process.

Given that the PH is a largely religious country, the backlash on the bill is overwhelming.

I go on reading comments on the bill, trolls mostly citing biblical passages justifying that this is against the law of God. Others saying that if the bill gets passed into a law, divorce will be rampant in the country (WTF?).

First, why would there be a surge of divorce cases if ever the bill gets passed into a law? Does this mean that majority of the marriages in the Philippines are problematic?? Please enlighten me as I believe that if a married couple are standing on solid ground, a certain “divorce law” will not shake them.

If people only take the time to read what’s inside the bill (citing “that the proper court shall not start the trial of a petition for absolute divorce before the expiration of a mandatory six-month cooling off period, after the filing of the petition during which the court shall exercise all efforts to reunite and reconcile the parties”) instead of jumping into exaggerated conclusions, the world would be such a peaceful place.

Second, to those religious hypocrites, I fervently pray to the same GOD that you will never go through the hell I literally went through. I feel like these people who call themselves “Christians” do not care for the abused as long as their sacraments are kept “sacred.” But I wonder, why is annulment allowed when it actually weighs heavier? It was never protested even if it is unbiblical and ironically is a law accepted by the church. It’s a nullification of marriage, a total mockery of the sanctity of the said sacrament.

It is right that God hates divorce as stated in the bible but if you read in the same bible, HE ALLOWED IT because of the stubbornness of man and on the grounds of marital unfaithfulness and abandonment (see Matthew 19:8-9).

Points to ponder on:

  1. Is the government changing any of the teachings of the Church when Congress passed the bill?

  2. By legalizing divorce in the country, does it mean that all marriages will end in divorce?

  3. Is the responsibility of the Church to preserve the sanctity of marriage suspended with the passage of this bill?

Suggestion: the church in general, should be more proactive in preserving marriage rather than being so reactive. This is a challenge I believe a strong church will have to endure and in the process, it will generate more meaningful engagement with it’s congregation. The church should be adaptive to change and instead be the driving force in maintaining healthy marriages in our country. Church, do not be lazy.

Third, they say to think about the children. EXACTLY.

Would you rather that the children remain in a cold and hard environment? Would you rather that the children be witnesses to one parent’s abuse? Worse, would you rather that the children would also fall victim to abuse?

What is abuse?

Domestic abuse is not limited to just physical abuse. This is not just about the time when he grabbed his wife by the throat and slammed her on the kitchen door and banged her head on the window grills. This is not just about the time he yanked her hair and dragged her from the shower, naked, and threw her on the living room floor and kicked her leg. This is not just about the time he hit her face so hard that she had to miss her job interview because her concealer can’t even do what it was made to do. This is not just about the time that he spat on her eye because she found out he was cheating, again.

This is also about the time he made her feel ugly and worthless and stupid. This is also about the time he called her nasty names. This is also about the countless times he threatened to leave after every argument and she would desperately plead for him to stay to make things work. This is also about the time when he’d rather be lazy than help out with the household finances, even with the money he made illegally. She had to work two jobs. This is also about the emotional blackmail, him playing the victim card and putting the blame on her for whatever shit he was going through, using the sacrament of marriage as a foreground for guilt and manipulation. Hell, this is even also about the time he ripped her ragged cat doll to pieces and she had to pick up the parts and sew it back together because she can’t sleep without it.

Domestic abuse is not only physical abuse but also emotional abuse, psychological abuse and economic abuse.

The bill, in its declaration of policy, states it is intended to “save the children from pain, stress, and agony consequent to their parents’ constant marital clashes” and “grant the divorced spouses the right to marry again for another chance at marital bliss.”

It is heartless to make someone remain in an abusive situation.

Finally, how do you fix an irreparable relationship without spending for an arm and a leg? When you file for legal separation or annulment, it costs an average of P250,000 (and I’d rather spend that hefty amount of money on my kids) and is a lengthy, embarrassing and painful process. Again if people only read through the bill, the court exempts poor people (indigent is defined in the bill) from legal fees and listing domestic violence, attempts to engage a spouse in prostitution and irreconcilable differences as among the grounds other than feigning psychological incapacity.

Divorce is optional. It is not a replacement of annulment. It is merely an option and not an imposition. But because I am for divorce, I’ve been called lame, egotistic and somehow demonic. People need to recognize that everyone has a fundamental right to choose what is best for them. No one is stopping you to go ahead and live by your life principles but that does not give you the right to force your beliefs onto someone who does not share the same and start calling them out if they do not adhere to your views. Leave them to choose for themselves and stop being insensitive, self-righteous pricks.

I am for divorce not because I want to remarry, (I don’t think I will ever get married again) but because I want my freedom. I certainly did not wish for my marriage to end and fail but for more than 10 years, I’ve selflessly and endlessly gave “second” chances and I’m totally drained. I want mine too.

Please Universe, don’t jinx this.

 

xx

DMV

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Blocked

December 22, 2017

I get you.

There were so many nights, I’m sure, that you struggled to silence the noise inside your head, but you just can’t.

How you pace back and forth by the front door waiting, counting the hours, the minutes, the seconds until the knob finally turns.

How you stare up the ceiling trying so hard not to panic but instead find yourself heavily breathing beneath the sheets of a cold and empty bed.

How you feel inadequate and not enough to fill his eyes, his thoughts, his lust.

A frantic scream, a restless void that you can’t seem to comprehend.

I get you.

He told me you weren’t okay but I never took a glance at how horribly he painted the woman he vowed to love for the rest of his life.

I know those were all pent up emotions and sometimes we say things we don’t really mean.

Maybe I was wrong to engage him in conversation.

Maybe I was wrong to have felt sorry for you and encouraged him to go home.

Maybe I was wrong.

I don’t know.

Truth is, there’s nothing to be scared of really.

What he and I had was far long forgotten but I understand if you feel the need to hate me. Hate me all you want, if that brings your mind at peace, hate me, that’s okay.

Because I get you.

I’ve been through the same, much worse even.

And I get you.

xx

DMV

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June Bride

June 18, 2014

“Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not insist on its own way. Love bears all things, believes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13

Marriage is not about the overly sized petticoats or the giant peonies or the Jimmy Choo shoes.

It’s not also about the Lancome finished makeup or dreamland reception with all the drapes and hanging lanterns and cherry blossoms.

No it’s not.

Marriage is a commitment. A promise supposedly made by two people “in-love” to be together in what they believe is called “forever” (despite whatever odds or something like that). For richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.

Marriage starts after your wedding day; when you wake up the day after drunk (or sober) beside your partner with smeared makeup and messy, sticky hair and you find him still looking at you longingly, smiling with an I’m-so-lucky kind of look.

And you move in together into a new house that you will eventually build into a home. That is WHEN you both start living.

Yes, you will discover a lot of things about each other and you will not like some (or all) of them, but you will eventually learn to live with it and settle into a new kind of normal only the two of you understand.

Yes, life afterwards will not be what you’ve expected. You both will have to learn to adjust. You will fight a lot of times over the littlest and most unreasonable things (like shower curtains or squeezing toothpaste or tile colors or who makes breakfast), these are inevitable.

Yes, there will come a time that you find your self asking if you’ve made the right decision, questions like “What the hell am I doing in this relationship?” or if who you are with now is really “the one” are normal. We all have our own shortcomings and no one is perfect in marriage. There will be times when one may fail the other, mess up, or do something hurtful.

No, marriage is not your fairytale come true. BUT marriage is making a fairytale come true with someone you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with.

You see, it is not about you anymore. It is about you AND your partner. It’s a work in progress and a learning process and it requires BOTH of you.

How do you make it work?

You find out along the way.

But keep this in mind:

You both deserve someone who will be there for you, who has your back and takes your side, who takes care of you, looks after you; someone willing to sacrifice for you and fight for you; someone who believes in you, encourages you, pushes you not to stop dreaming and brings out the best in you; someone who doesn’t walk out on you during difficult situations; someone who stays simply because he choose to.

Be that person.

Be honest, brutally honest. Do not keep secrets, do not lie. Understand and compromise. Voice out. LISTEN. Pay attention to details. Involve each other. Be each other’s cheerleader, counselor, critic, nurse, confidante and best friend. Be each other’s priority. Be considerate, always. Be selfless. Watch your words, you will never be able to get them back. Be patient with each other, you do not think alike. Appreciate, even the littlest things, especially the little things.

It doesn’t hurt to say good morning and good night. It’s never too much to tell each other I love you everyday. Enjoy each other’s company. Make each other feel beautiful. Hug, kiss, cuddle.

Be random. Go on trips, travel, discover something new together. Experiment. Surprise each other. Be spontaneous.

Most importantly, have a spiritual life together. Go to church or prayer meetings or subscribe to reading plans. Feed your souls. Be blessed. When God is at the center of your marriage, grace pours in and believe that everything will come easily.

You never know who is that someone you are destined to be with. But trust in fate’s decision in bringing you together. There is always a reason we meet the people we meet eventhough sometimes we may not know why. There are no coincidences. Build on “together moments,” your happy times will be your anchor during the most trying days.

Always remember you deserve to be with someone who loves you. Love deeply and wholly. Set aside the clashing personalities, the twisted principles, the different point of views, if you are truly confident with each other’s love, you two will get along just fine.

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xx

DMV

Marriage: If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by. – F. Burton Howard

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End of the rainbow.

November 25, 2013

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I didn’t find gold at the end of the rainbow. Instead I found a black empty pot.

Ten years and I think our journey ends.

We took a chance, I took a chance because I believe that Family is everything. God knows how hard I’ve tried and fought to save mine. I had hope. I didn’t stop believing that it will get better despite the circumstances. But everyone has a breaking point. I’ve reached mine and my heart’s shut off, battered, beaten, broken; exhausted of being hurt and being lied to over and over again.

I’ve no regrets though, I took the dive because I chose to. Unfortunately we surfaced to two separate boats.

But I am thankful.

I am thankful to have spent ten years with someone who’s taught me the value of patience and perseverance; to have spent ten years with someone I truly love. I am thankful for all the happy moments we’ve shared, moments I anchored onto when I was about to give up. I am thankful for the blessing of three beautiful angels who has taught me to love unconditionally.

I am thankful for the experience in which I learned to value myself. I learned to love myself, to know my worth, to know what I deserve. I learned to be unselfish when it comes to things that are important. I learned the significance of life and family.

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, some things are just not meant to be. You may be in love with each other yet you just can’t live together. And no matter how hard you try to keep the relationship from failing, if you’re working at it alone, it will all just fall apart.

I’m sorry for not being perfect. I know I’m not the ideal wife. I’m sorry for being angry, I was just trying to look out for you and it gets frustrating when you don’t listen. I’m sorry for being emotional, it just makes me sad that you don’t notice me. I’m sorry for being jealous, I just wanted you to be mine as I was yours.

As we go our separate ways and live our separate lives, my only wish is that you find whatever it is that you are looking for.

The life we live are brought about by the choices we make. Let us move on and choose to be happy.

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xx

DMV

(Photo courtesy: Tumblr)

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April Fools!

April 2, 2013

So instead of doing the traditional way of knowing, April thought of finding out if her baby was a he or she by eating cake.

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They gave their first ultrasound result to the baker for a much awaited surprise. If the inside of the cake reveals blue then obviously it’s a boy. If it shows pink, then baby’s a girl.
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We get to vote too! Winners get prizes! Funny because couples tend to vote one for each so either way they get to take home a prize (haha!).
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For him and for her giveaways.
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When it was time…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

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Baby’s a GIRL!
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And that is one excited Grandma!
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Revelation complete. Happy Birthday APRIL! Congratulations Daddy ROMEO! Sure ain’t April Fools!
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xx

DMV

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Start.

January 30, 2013

Starting out fresh.

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She’s isolated herself enough. Three weeks of no calls, texts or social media. Three weeks of drowning in books about serial killers and gore. Three weeks of listening to endless despairing songs on YouTube.

I guess she was just trying to cope up with something the best way she knew how.

She’s sitting on her desk, finishing up some presentation for her Masters class on Saturday. She zones out, again. Her colleagues says something to her but she doesn’t hear them. She stares back at them, smiles and nods, not having an inkling on what they were talking about. She wants to get away, she NEEDS to get away, but she doesn’t know how.

Needs a distraction. She’s so used to running but she can’t always run.

What she needed was someone to talk to, someone that just listened and absorbed everything (like a sponge maybe). Someone (or something) that gave comfortable silence. Not that she doesn’t have any friends, she actually has a large network. She writes sometimes, seeing it as an alternative realm to express herself freely, unashamed, naked and stripped to the core of her being with no fear of being condemned because of her pretensions. Her life is a sham.

Meet her here.

xx

DMV

(Photo courtesy: Tumblr)

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