Posts Tagged ‘laughter’

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Bewitched by Children’s Laughter

February 6, 2019

I did not dream of having kids. It was never part of the plan.

I wanted to write and live in different places, experience this diverse, expansive earth everyone keeps talking about.

At some point, I even wanted to go to outer space, discover aliens, leave footprints on the moon, trek Mars, name stars.

But you see, life has a sick sense of humor and who would have imagined I’d end up birthing 3 boys instead.

The irony.

I wasn’t ready.

Stuck in the mundane.

I think I’ll never be ready.

Fine, joke’s on me.

But I kept on, even when my mind was in total chaos. I still keep on.

I had the choice to get away, to run away as I always do, but I stayed.

And trying to be a mother, keeping up a facade of this supposedly strong person and parenting alone while my heart shattered into infinite pieces, was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure.

But oh, the laughter of children, the sweetest songs, such beautiful music to my ears, I could listen to for a lifetime.

The course of our lives sometimes do not play out like how we pictured it in our heads but somehow, we always end up where we should be.

And most times, much happier.

 

xx

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Half Year Bliss

May 5, 2014

Dear Juancho,

When I knew I was having you, I was scared out of my wits. I did not know how to provide for another child. But now, I understand why God gave me you.

You came at the point in my life when everything was dull and gray, full of tears and pain, when everything was heavy and dark and hopeless.

I never expected that you would bring me so much joy.

Six months and you’ve brought in sunshine and color and laughter and hope back into my life. When I am around you, all my sorrow fades away.

The way you touch my face and look up into my eyes; the way you smile when you see me come home from work; the way you laugh when i make all sorts of ridiculous faces; the way you roll over and try so hard to sit straight; the way you coo when you wake up in the morning; the way you form bubbles with your mouth; the way you hug me back when I carry you; your steady breathing when you finally sleep, I could just go on — these make up the moments of my life now.

Thank you so much Juancho for saving me. And I will continue to live everyday for you. I love you langga. Happy half year to you. 😘😊😍

Love,

Mama

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xx

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