Holiday | When trying to be a tail

Juancho’s day out (Photo set)

DSB | Canlaon

2016 year ender

Best friends are home so — road trip!

My future hiking buddy!

 

2017 starter | 1st road trip of the year

This massive tree is said to be more than 1,300 years old!

And the kids found a new playground.

Great way to end 2016 and start 2017.

 

DMV

His Mind

It has always been a challenge (not a struggle) to raise a child with Asperger’s. They see a world so much different from ours, understand differently from what we can normally comprehend, grasp unrealistic ideas and view it as normal. They see color in black and whites and grays in color. They give a solid meaning to the word unique. So somewhere in between, you know you’d both clash and disagree.

But also in between you learn about patience (lots and lots and lots of patience), about perseverance, about compromise, about appreciation and amazement and unconditional love.

This kid, when he was younger, he could name all the flags of the world. When he got older, he could name all the car brands and their model types. Recently he’s into constellations and he’s been telling me about what he sees when he looks up the sky at night. It’s amazing how they could pour all concentration and focus and passion into that one thing that interests them and be scattered with all the rest.

There are days that I feel exhausted and helpless especially during the times when he is being unreasonable and throws a tantrum and no matter what I do he just completely shuts down and I can’t get through. There are days that I panic and overthink things, like how will he be able to live normally when I’ve gone. There are days when I feel like a failure and think that I am not doing enough despite all the medication and doctors and therapy.

Then there are days when he is overly sweet, does his chores, surprises me with I love you balloons and letters, talks to me about his day like what he did with his friends at school, jokes about random things, looks after his youngest brother and somehow, it assures me that somewhere, I am doing things right.

This kid, he’s taught me a lot about living. How to appreciate the little things, how to pay attention to detail, how to strive harder and never give up, how to dream. When he is shattered, I need to focus. When he is unnerved, I need to encourage. When he is irrational, I have to be patient. When he is being stubborn, I have to pour more love.

And yes he is extraordinary and atypical and awesome and I’m very very grateful.


xx

DMV

#KiyiyaVuranInsanlik

When I opened my Facebook account today, feeds about a drowned boy kept popping up. I know it’s click bait, but I clicked on the bait.

And I’ve been ugly crying here.

“A 3-year-old boy named Aylan Kurdi and his 5-year-old brother, Galip, were photographed face down in the surf Wednesday morning. They both reportedly died on a boat that capsized while carrying them to the Greek island of Kos. The brothers were attempting to reach Canada, where their aunt lives.” – BuzzFeed

(Also see: http://edition.cnn.com/2015/09/02/europe/migration-crisis-boy-washed-ashore-in-turkey/)

The images are so heartbreaking. I cannot even begin to think about my almost 2 year old boy experiencing the struggle from the violence this little Aylan must have faced in a place he supposedly called home, escaping and fleeing in terror, hopeless and cold in a tiny boat until it tragically capsized and he and his brother washed ashore to a foreign land, lifeless.

3 years old. It’s so unfair.

How privileged are my children for they do not know war or terror or starvation or death and they have the opportunity to laugh and play and learn. How fortunate are they to be sleeping in a warm bed at night and to wake in the morning and embrace another day of their young lives.

This too was little Aylan’s universal right. To wake up in the morning and greet the face of his family. To help himself to a sumptuous meal. To bask in the sun, play and get his hands dirty. To read nursery rhymes and fairytales. To learn how things work, how plants grow. To go to school and have friends. To grow up. To experience love and pain. To live.

All these taken away too soon because of selfish and heartless government and laws. We live in such a cruel world and at the expense of the innocent.

So tonight, after an eventful day at work or from wherever you are coming from, do a little extra. Shower your little one with kisses and hug him a little tighter. Appreciate that you have the TIME to watch their chests rise and fall when they sleep, to read to them, to sing to them. To see them learn to crawl and walk and jump and utter their first words, to call you Mama. To hear them cry and laugh. To look into their eyes, to hold their tiny hands. Express your love and be thankful.

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How his story should have ended…

Photo source: Steve Dennis

And to the rest of the world, there’s something that needs to be done soon NOW. The urgency is palpable.

We don’t have to live in hate.

xx

DMV

Half Year Bliss

Dear Juancho,

When I knew I was having you, I was scared out of my wits. I did not know how to provide for another child. But now, I understand why God gave me you.

You came at the point in my life when everything was dull and gray, full of tears and pain, when everything was heavy and dark and hopeless.

I never expected that you would bring me so much joy.

Six months and you’ve brought in sunshine and color and laughter and hope back into my life. When I am around you, all my sorrow fades away.

The way you touch my face and look up into my eyes; the way you smile when you see me come home from work; the way you laugh when i make all sorts of ridiculous faces; the way you roll over and try so hard to sit straight; the way you coo when you wake up in the morning; the way you form bubbles with your mouth; the way you hug me back when I carry you; your steady breathing when you finally sleep, I could just go on — these make up the moments of my life now.

Thank you so much Juancho for saving me. And I will continue to live everyday for you. I love you langga. Happy half year to you. 😘😊😍

Love,

Mama

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xx

DMV

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