Rainy Friday Afternoon

When everyone is used to running towards you, expecting you to fix their cracks and you try to seal it, feigning wit and refreshing humor, to somehow complete whatever it is that they lack.

You have this way of making things better after you, it’s hard to explain. The sponge so they say.

But who extracts the water from the sponge when it is full?

The glass is overflowing but they still continue to pour, fumbling for your lifeboat as they drown in the turbulent seas they ceaselessly create. You also give away your life jacket.

When you are gagged to even feel broken and muted so as not to be judged, the words bleed out of your mouth and drain you empty.

The silence is almost, always deafening, amplified by the sickening reflection you see when you stare at yourself in the mirror and find that there is no one around but you.

The world could seem like a complete nightmare sometimes.

I asked if you were okay and you laughed a little too loud, smiled a little to hard and held a little too tight when you said “I’m perfectly fine.”

 

xx

DMV

Living off Insecurities

The familiar whining of I’ve gained weight, can’t fit my clothes, I’m so freaking fat.

The disgusting sight we see in the mirror.

Slave to the scale.

The common phenomenon of airbrushed and edited lifestyles.

Heartbreaking.

I have been on an endless diet since I can’t even remember. It’s been that long.

Society sold us the idea that how you physically look defines you. The more thin, the more fit, the more abs, the more beautiful.

So I see ugly when I look at the extra handles on my waist, the folds on my back, how I’m missing thigh gaps and my bloated face.

Everyone is obsessing on being cover girl pretty.

And it’s frustrating. And it sucks.

Because I love pizza and ice cream and steak and french fries and McDonald’s and being lazy in bed on weekends.

Now, I am not dissuading anyone not to work out or go on a diet and stay fit. Whatever works for you, go ahead. After all, it’s best to keep healthy.

But what I’m trying to say is we are more than just the size on a clothes rack. You are more than what you weigh. Do not let a few extra pounds erase all the good that has happened in your life. Once you see past the opinions you put on yourself based off on how you look, you’d get to grasp a grander picture of what you truly are.

That you could find acceptance and appreciation in so many places other than the unrealistic implicated norms that could cripple your confidence and self worth.

That you are important and incredible just by simply showing up to life.

Live.

 

xx

DMV