At 32, I found myself sitting in a corner, deciphering techno music over a bottle of water. 

It’s been almost 2 months since I QUIT drinking and smoking. In between, maybe a glass or 2 of wine or a mojito and maybe a puff or two from a friend’s drag but other than that, it’s been almost 2 months. Why? Well, because I decided I dint want to anymore. You just get to a certain point where you tell yourself “I don’t want to do this anymore.” And hopefully, I’m not lying to myself.

I’m drafting this at 3:30 am because I can’t sleep from the caffeine of the soft ice cream that tasted like really bitter coffee earlier (swear I was not eating dark chocolate) and I went ahead of my friends who’re still left enjoying the night away at the bar.

And now I am sitting on the loo writing this because I might lose these thoughts in the morning. I realized that when you refocus your life to be more substantial, you notice the unnecessary things. Or maybe I’m just not into this techno shit but, there I was, at 32, sitting in a corner, drinking a bottle of water, trying to enjoy the music, watching my friends dance their hearts out (yes, you Greg) and all I could think of is my bed.

Maybe if I was drinking, my drunken senses would have made me believe I love techno and I’d be dancing crazy just like before when I used to almost always get drunk. Maybe if I was smoking, I wouldn’t be yawning too much. Maybe if I forced myself into the sea of people at the other side of the bar so I could listen to the local dj play the Chainsmoker’s overused Closer, I might be staying til sun up.

When my sober self had a moment to just stop and stare at everything around me, kids all over, girls in crop tops, guys hitting on girls, people pushing people inside the small and overly crowded bar and everyone is bumping at each other’s sweaty self, cheers here and there, some guy slipped, some girl puked, loud laughter, boisterous laughter, the smell of smoke in my hair, I was like man, I might just be too old for this (then I see my uncles in a table at the far end). I guess, this bar scene is no longer my idea of fun.

Yeah, boring. Fun is subjective tho so..yeah.

xx

DMV