What are you thankful for?

As we are celebrating thanksgiving, what are you thankful for?

It’s been a rough year for me, chaotic. Since day one up to today of this year, stress levels have been high. I know God has a purpose for this dreadful (not to mention long) experience and I am still waiting for that answer.

As I look back at the previous months, what I see mostly are tears and heartaches, arguments and silent conversations, neglect and anger.

So given that, what am I thankful for?

I am thankful for chances. It is because of the chances I took that I’ve learned to value and love myself. It is because of these chances that I’ve realized what are important and what matters most.

I am thankful for family. No matter how hard up I was, they never left my side. I know that they will always be there when all else is gone.

I am thankful for the blessing of good (great!) friends. They’ve put up with my being blind, stubborn and stupid for the longest time. They’ve been an open ear and a receiving arm when I felt that I needed someone to talk or run to. They’ve supported me and stood by me during my most trying times. I am truly grateful.

I am thankful for academic excellence, mine and my son’s. All my hard work has paid off.

I am thankful for my three beautiful sons. They are the reason I continue to live. They’ve taught me how to be selfless; they’ve taught me the meaning of unconditional love. They are the ones who’s given my life purpose and I will continue to strive and live for them.

I am thankful for the little things — An unexpected hug, a compliment, “I love yous”, my son holding my hand while we walk, good mornings and good nights, my baby’s toothless smile, random visits, funny stories, good jokes, words of encouragement…I could just go on. These little things make up the precious moments of our lives. Cherish and appreciate every single one.

I am thankful for the gift of life. Mine might not be wonderful, enviable or perfect but it’s the only life I’ve got and I will make the most out of it. I know that God will one day, again, paint this dull life with radiant rainbow colors.

I may not have a lot and my life is not even close to almost perfect and although I am hard up, battered, beaten and broken with all the reasons of giving up and not moving forward, I know there is that guiding light somewhere that will bring me out of this dark place; that is something to be thankful for.

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Always.

xx

DMV

(Photo courtesy: Tumblr)

End of the rainbow.

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I didn’t find gold at the end of the rainbow. Instead I found a black empty pot.

Ten years and I think our journey ends.

We took a chance, I took a chance because I believe that Family is everything. God knows how hard I’ve tried and fought to save mine. I had hope. I didn’t stop believing that it will get better despite the circumstances. But everyone has a breaking point. I’ve reached mine and my heart’s shut off, battered, beaten, broken; exhausted of being hurt and being lied to over and over again.

I’ve no regrets though, I took the dive because I chose to. Unfortunately we surfaced to two separate boats.

But I am thankful.

I am thankful to have spent ten years with someone who’s taught me the value of patience and perseverance; to have spent ten years with someone I truly love. I am thankful for all the happy moments we’ve shared, moments I anchored onto when I was about to give up. I am thankful for the blessing of three beautiful angels who has taught me to love unconditionally.

I am thankful for the experience in which I learned to value myself. I learned to love myself, to know my worth, to know what I deserve. I learned to be unselfish when it comes to things that are important. I learned the significance of life and family.

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, some things are just not meant to be. You may be in love with each other yet you just can’t live together. And no matter how hard you try to keep the relationship from failing, if you’re working at it alone, it will all just fall apart.

I’m sorry for not being perfect. I know I’m not the ideal wife. I’m sorry for being angry, I was just trying to look out for you and it gets frustrating when you don’t listen. I’m sorry for being emotional, it just makes me sad that you don’t notice me. I’m sorry for being jealous, I just wanted you to be mine as I was yours.

As we go our separate ways and live our separate lives, my only wish is that you find whatever it is that you are looking for.

The life we live are brought about by the choices we make. Let us move on and choose to be happy.

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xx

DMV

(Photo courtesy: Tumblr)

My little Angel

Yes, I was pregnant since February of this year (me and my husband got back together, you figure it out) and I just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy last November 5th.

It wasn’t an easy pregnancy. It was stressful and chaotic but I’m blessed that Little Boy came out and turned out to be okay.

I had to literally start from “zero”, the age gap being nine years. And baby stuff? I literally had none (not even one washcloth!). But I thank God for caring and thoughtful friends and family who eased my needs by throwing me a baby shower during me and my husband’s 10th year anniversary. From that moment on I’ve been excited to meet Little Boy.

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And it was a torturous waiting game when I was on my 37th week. I’ve had a number of false alarms and it was really dragging. I couldn’t wait to get it over with. I felt bloated and heavy and tired.

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(Photo courtesy: Jyuan Sebastian V. Jose)

But due to some complications I was augmented on November 3rd, 4 days before my due date. I was in labor for 36 hours and during the one and a half day I stayed in the labor room I watched other pregnant women come in and go. It was very exhausting; everything hurt, everything felt heavy, everything was messy, I literally felt so battered. And when my Doctor came during the wee hours in the morning of the 5th to further my labor, we found out that Little Boy was in breech position and I was subject for C section. Imagine going into labor for 36 hours and ending up in the operating room (tragic).

But on the brighter side, I thank my God for keeping me and my baby safe.

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Our little angel JUANCHO ANGELIOS V. JOSE, born November 5, 2013 and the whole of Negros Occidental celebrated with him.

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xx

DMV