Writing this in the rainy season to maybe remind me, us, some remnants of summer.
First proper vacay out of town for the kids, finally out after 2 years!
Now off to Boracay Island!
Road trip took maybe 4 hours if we haven’t stopped by some Mcdonald’s and Jollibee to eat. Aftermath of the typhoon was still very visible, the roads we passed by were either collapsed or flooded. Arrived to a very chaotic Caticlan port around past lunch time, took us maybe more than an hour to finally board and transfer to the island.
And just in time for sunset.
Stayed on the island for a good 4 days, from Holy Thursday to Easter Sunday, and boy, did the kids have a lot of fun!
First night, finally caught up with half of my forever dates!
Random beach day views
and random skies.
And as everything else, all things come to an end.
Arrived home safe, sunburnt, hungry and happy.
Thank you Universe!
Another quarantine birthday. Out of town, out of reach.
(Sooooo sooooo late to post)
Spent the day at Manggapuri Villas to celebrate Jyuan’s 16th last September 2021.
Happy birthday Jyuan!
Photo dump of the first proper beach trip I’ve had in 2 years (since lockdown) and this was actually work related.
The last time I was here was ages ago, no structures at all, just that sandbar.
The boulevard now has an extension at the far end of the strip where the vendors were put instead of the space in front of the oldest Silliman Building. There were recreational activities also like beach volleyball and stuff, I forgot what else (haha) I saw a lot of people walking their dogs, strolling with their kids.
Just some casual strolls for the day before heading home.
Much needed Vitamin Sea.
Thank you so much!
Not sure why I can’t really get around to writing anything on here these days. Not considering I have been veeeeeerrrrrryyyyy busy with work, nevertheless I do get off days too. And I mostly spend it just lying in bed and sleeping or scrolling thru my Instagram feed, playing mobile games, watching Netflix and a little bit (maybe not) of online shopping.
I can’t really say that I’m unproductive because believe me, I do get a lot of important things done despite the procrastination but I really feel so out of touch, so uninspired, and so lazy.
So here I am posting about my 37th birthday (which was August LAST YEAR by the way), in May of 2022, maybe because I just want to document things and have something to look back at.
Started the week off with my friends up the mountains.
Grateful to have spent this day with this bunch even during this time of quarantine nonsense and pandemic shenanigans.
Got my second dose COVID-19 vaccine on my birthday. Best gift I gave myself.
And came home to this surprise!
Thank you fam! My purple heart is so full!
And capped off the week with some cake and coffee with Benjie and Tricia.
Such a wholesome birthday week celebration. My Leo season. Thank you universe!
Finally finished XD
I’ve visited pain inflicting places I swore I never would.
Dove down to hurtful memories and surfaced out of breath.
I’ve listened to tear stained songs I thought I couldn’t bear to hear.
Laughed like a crazy woman between mundane circuses.
I’ve danced tirelessly on the dance floor since after I thought my bed was my only comfort.
I’ve opened up to new faces when I swore I will never trust again.
I’ve apologized for things I wish I have never done, things I wish I have never said.
And I’ve forgiven myself for all of it.
You will heal. I promise. In time, you will heal.
Photo is of my 96 yo grandma’s place, totally devastated by typhoon Odette. First floor of her house was entirely submerged in flood, water stayed for 2.5 days. Road to is not yet cleared, had to park the car on the roadside and walk going in carrying supplies that would last for a month. No electricity, no clean water available, they have to go to the nearest town just to secure. Despite all, still thankful they are safe. Much repair is to be done, but we’ll get there. We’ll get there.
All too often, anger works better than answers, resentment better than reason, bursting the suppressed wounds for even just a little sigh relief, and maybe a little hint of life. The endless whys trigger a migraine. This is how we are alive. This is how I was living.
A surfaced past;
Trying to forget, will forget, please forget, I don’t want to go there;
This year was remarkable.
From being diagnosed with MDD cm ADD and put on medication for 13 months;
From sleeping next to pitiless insomnia;
From countless court hearing resets and dragging court dates;
From being sick with Covid, first time riding an ambulance, brought to a facility, my anxiety was spiraling, it was so stressful I lost so much weight in just 2 weeks;
From going through the heartbreaking deaths of my dogs;
From falling out friendships and toxic relationships;
Yes, this year has been remarkable.
I don’t talk much. I don’t. But the doctor said I have to. To process. To release. To unbury feelings. To ungirt the leash that is suffocating. So this is as much that I could do. I’m trying, it’s unusual, it’s uncomfortable, but I’m trying.
Despite everything, I am proud of myself. For hanging in there. For surviving. For still being here. I am no longer angry. I haven’t been in a long while now. I am more calm. I don’t try to feel too much of the insignificant things.
And most of all I am grateful. Especially to the few who understand me, who include me, who check up on me, who bear with my quiet, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Sending out love to each of you, wherever you find yourself this season. 💜
I think—no, I believe I haven’t written in a very loooong time. This pandemic has fvcked up my sleeping cycle, my body clock, my little to less routines, and totally drained out whatever is left of the creative ink circulating in my brain. I started this back last year if I’m not mistaken? And I guess stories of certain events and bent up feelings of excitement coupled with a little anxiety finally finished it. Soooo, yeah, here haha.
* I started writing this post in July but I don’t know how I just can’t get around to finishing this, or anything that I’ve started recently, even just finish a Kdrama or a book or whatever it is. I feel so uninspired (to write) and just plain lazy.
I felt nauseous when I rode the ambulance, it was driving too fast, my stomach churned as I tried to sit still and not topple over. It took less than 20 minutes to get to my destination out of town.
It was a gloomy afternoon, rain threatened to pour, gray clouds loomed over towering trees and the rumble of thunder can be heard from a distance .
I was met by nurses in space suits when I arrived at the mountain resort turned quarantine facility, briefed of the going-ons of the place and was escorted to my room. And that was just the time my situation started to sink in. I did not know if I wanted to cry or be mad or laugh like crazy so I dropped myself on the single bed by the end of the room and slept.
It was just one party, I say, and I let my guard down. 3 days later I was coughing my lungs out, my throat itched and hurt like hell, I was catching my breath, it was so hard to breathe. 5 days later I lost my sense of smell and taste. My swab result turned out positive.
Somewhere, somehow, I knew it was Covid even before testing and it scared the hell out of me. I have asthma and cardiac arrhythmia but that did not really matter, I was mostly scared on how I will affect the people around me, the people I interact with daily at work and at home. I have senior and sickly parents, I have an asthmatic kid, I have a diabetic boss, I have a pregnant colleague and another one in remission from thyroid cancer. It was too overwhelming, I felt like falling into depression.
My mind was blank. I slept away my first week, my roommate started to worry. I did not feel like interacting with other people or seeing the nurses or consulting with the doctor. Insisted even when it wasn’t allowed and went down to the river because I just wanted to be alone and away.
It was the longest 2 weeks of my life.
This pandemic, it’s indescribable. It has changed the way of our lives beyond recognition. It’s widely stigmatized and discriminated, I had to tell the ambulance driver to not turn on the siren when they picked me up so my neighbors won’t look.
But I’ve learned so much in the 2 weeks I was quarantined, that there are still so much that I should be grateful for.
I am grateful that the strain I caught was not deadly and I was able to overcome the disease. I am grateful for the nurses and doctor who looked after me at the facility. I am grateful for the community I was able to get to know and embrace in the 2 weeks I was there, it made my quarantine stay more bearable. I was able to laugh, share stories, binge on zombie movies and indulge in delicious food even when it tasted bland on my end.
I am grateful that the people I left behind at home and at work are well and safe despite being close contacts.
And that I was able to get some rest. Mobile reception was bad I unintentionally did a digital detox, away from social media and just de-stress. I was able to just laze around, not minding the time, and even finished 5 books during my stay. I consider myself lucky that my workplace took care of me, accommodated me in a conducive facility as compared to others in the province, and everything was for free.
I realized that we’ll never go back to how it was. It’s been almost 2 years and the pandemic is still here. A lot of people are still in lockdown, unable to go to work, unable to go to school, unable to meet in public places, struggling in isolation stations from the lack of hospital beds, dying in the ICU, people everywhere are dying because of Covid. And during times of existential uncertainties, we instinctively desperately strive to be with family, but we can’t. I missed my kids so much during the 2 weeks I was away from them.
This Covid thing, we are confronted with the true uncertainty of human existence and the true vulnerability of human life.
That its’s such a terrible waste of time to drown ourselves in an endless unwinnable war for wealth and status and power and not recognize the value of people [our families, our friends, our colleagues, even acquaintances and strangers], instead.
That this forces us to appreciate the value of freedom — the freedom to move, to be with those we love.
That this braves us to stop procrastinating and push ourselves to pursue those things we’ve always dreamt about, because we may run out of time. But this also allows us to pause and bask in the moment, soaking in the mundane and rest.
I had Covid and had so many realizations at that despite the fear and anxiety, and luckily, thankfully I survived.
And just to put this out there, get vaccinated people.